Searching the Shores

2006-03-17T00:01:00.000-08:00

I don't think I can handle another goodbye.

A Time For Change

2006-01-22T16:08:00.000-08:00

I know that this may not make sense to some of you but I have made a decision to say goodbye to Butterscotch. Not the person behind the pseudonym-just the alias itself. And with that goodbye will come the end of this blog.

I of course will not be able to keep myself from writing so will no doubt pop up somewhere else along the way sporting a new hidden identity but it is time to lay this one to rest.

I will continue to comment on your blogs, and if you want to maintain contact via email I would be happy to hear from you.

Nothing is wrong; I just need to let go of some things that I have been foolishly holding onto- hoping for, believing in. I need to accept that some dreams just don't come true.

I also need to look forward to the mysteries that still lie ahead, and all the dreams that will come true.

So off I am to do just that.

Please try to understand that there is much more behind this than these few words convey. This isn't something I am doing to be selfish, or unkind, or hurtful. This is just me moving on.

Goodbye Butterscotch.

The Girl behind the name.

Lap Dance Anyone?

2006-01-15T13:49:00.000-08:00

Ah the joys of a stagette.

I am exhausted, and on the verge of collapse but could not hit my bed till I gave you at least a taste of my Saturday night.

It began innocently enough with twenty girls, food, laughs, and various beverages. One particular beverage became a part of a game that saw many of us face shooters- the prebride facing the most of course.

At about the time this same girl began to laugh at things that were not the least bit funny we thankfully had to head to the second part of the night. I was a little afraid that if our game progressed any further we would be carrying her around with a bucket tucked under her chin. As it was- the timing was perfect, and the exercise kept her feeling in the 'just fine' realm.

The 'exercise' being our two hours of pole and lap dancing lessons. Yes, you heard that right. Visualize away.

While you may now, if you are a straight male at least, be happy with the picture in your head, I have to admit that the literal picture was a little unsettling for me. Don't get me wrong- I am a huge fan of the pole, and have to admit, have a bit of a knack for it... but where the lap dance was concerned, it was just a little disconcerting to find myself spreading the legs of my female partner so that I could move in close enough to tease her with my breasts. Not to mention looking up at her from between my legs with my bum jiggling away in front of her face.

All I can say is thank God for red wine and a great sense of humor.

While I was the one suffering my partner's body parts gyrating in front of me I couldn't help but wonder what men see in the sport of lap dancing. Now the experience with the pole was beautiful, strong, and sexy, but the lap thing, not so much. Or maybe it was the fact that I was imagining a man of my choice jiggling his boobies in front of my face.

Then again... if I were to put the man in the chair, with his being under the rule of 'no touching' then I could certainly enjoy the power behind it.

Someday I am going to make my husband a very happy man.

Twenty gleaming, somewhat giddy women, left their dancing and ventured to the next place where more food and alcohol was consumed amidst much laughter, music, and chatter. The night wound to a close when the reason for the party hit the drinking wall. Fortunately vomit remained hidden, but we all knew the warning signs, and sent her on her merry way- to apparently watch Lord of the Rings with her visiting sister.

We missed the full moon by one night; and therefore any unusual drama.

Stay tuned however for the rehearsal and the wedding itself.

It won't be long now.

And So It Begins...

2006-01-08T21:21:00.000-08:00

I wasn't planning on posting again till I finished watching all of the episodes of Battlestar Galactica, but at this rate, I realized you may all give me up for dead if I wait that long.

The New Year is upon us, and I am pretty sure I am under one of the heavier parts of its body. The left butt cheek perhaps.

I had to literally talk myself out of a pity party earlier today. The odd thing is, I can't even be sure why... well, that isn't completely true... I know most of the reason why, but I will get to that. First I best give myself a pep talk so not to find myself drowning in Ego Lake.

So much good is happening around me. I have a new job, that even in it's overwhelming/terrifying newness- is a great thing, I have a close friend marrying a wonderful man, I have two other friends who are new amazing Moms- one who had twins even, my parents are about to celebrate their 35th wedding anniversary, and I've the best family and friends anyone could ask for. I've gotten a bit pudgy (lovely word that) but overall I am in good health, and I love the rain- which is on this list simply because it hasn't stopped raining since Christmas.

Anyway, to the down part- I can't for the life of me figure out why I can have so many wonderful people in my life and so many good things going on and STILL have these days where I feel so incredibly lonely. Gah!

I'm moved past the "boo hoo, poor me" level, and am now currently in the "stop being such a whiny ass" stage, but I would like to be able to avoid the crybaby thing altogether. Sigh.

What? Yes, perhaps this is all coming from my missing Kissboy- since things really have ended this time- but whatever the reason, I want it to go away. Enough bad stuff happens without my feeling bad about stuff that really isn't anything at all. I should be embracing life; loving every moment I am given. I should get off my ass and go dance in the rain.

Welcome 2006?

2006-01-01T23:54:00.000-08:00

You guys can keep me on track...

My New Year's Resolutions:

10: To start my New Year on January 3rd.

9: To stop complaining out loud. Silent thoughts and blogging do not count.

8: To pay off one half of my line of credit. This of course depends on my actually having work for the entire year.

7: To have work for the entire year.

6: To eat and act in ways that leave me feeling healthy. I will not be so bold as to talk about actual weight loss as I would no doubt fail and I do not want this list to set me up for failure.

5: To meet at least five new people that I enjoy spending time with.

4: To accept that I may be single for yet another year; accept and be okay with it.

3: To stay away from Kissboy on a literal level. Email and phone are okay, though conversations must be limited to safe topics.

2: To make decisions that I will be proud of.

1. To be me at all times, in all places, and with all people.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

2005-12-23T21:29:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas Everyone!
Originally uploaded by _butterscotch_.

Can't Sleep

2005-12-21T01:42:00.000-08:00

My head is reeling from the current chaos that is my life. I am hoping that writing about it will stop the motion, at least long enough to let me get some sleep before late morning hits.

Where to start, where to start...

Well, I made it to the George Canyon/ Dave Gunning Christmas tour last night and I can not put into words how much it touched me. It wasn't the typical concert, but it was very much Dave and Forge. They brought home to me, which made all the difference this Christmas season.

I was able to spend some time with them when they finished meeting with fans and Dave informed me that he will be opening for Jason (JD Fortune) in Halifax, Nova Scotia. I was floored. Dave is amazing but it blows my mind to think of him being connected to so many genres of music, when he is mostly Folk. I also hadn't been aware that he wrote a new Christmas tune that is getting lots of radio air time.

I discovered today that I have to get tested for TB as part of my prep for this upcoming teaching job. I don't do so well with needles so that experience should make for a good blog at least.

In a previous blog I mentioned that I would not be seeing Kissboy again, not in a situation where we are alone at least, and I finally filled him in on that decision last night. I took the email route, not cause I was afraid to talk to him, but just cause I'm better at putting my thoughts down on paper. He has yet to respond, but I wouldn't blame him if he isn't taking me seriously... after all, I tried to say goodbye before. The only thing that makes me believe I will be sticking to my guns this time is how sad I feel when I think of him.

Speaking of sad, I am also at a crossroads with December Sand. Somehow I saw things turning out differently for us... Life never does go quite the way you think it will.

Even my battered emotions can't outweigh the joy of the season though. There is just something about Christmas, even the lonely ones, that makes my heart glad.

New Year's however... well, we won't go there. It will take care of itself anyway. It always does.

I must try to sleep. The mall awaits.

B.

How Well Do You Know Butterscotch?

2005-12-17T14:39:00.000-08:00

Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!'>http://Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

A B Update

2005-12-14T13:37:00.000-08:00

I've no time to write a proper blog but here are the basics:

I was offered a teaching position, which I took, even though I will be the ONLY Special Needs teacher in the entire school AND it is in an Elementary School. The irony is so far up on the insane scale that I can not even begin to discuss it.

I went to Kissboy's last night, right after I heard the good news, so we celebrated with supper, wine and other bits of fun. It was wonderful and I am never doing it again. Too hard on my poor heart. I hope the boy doesn't wait till it's too late to realize that he is completely in love with me...

December Sand appears to be pissed at me cause I'm still a'wondering who he is. He knows I am a curious personality and can't be expected not to wonder. Do I want to know who he is? Of course. It my wanting to know some ploy to push him away or make him angry? Not at all. If that is what ends up happening though, so be it. I am who I am; love me or leave me- this is it.

I have to work tomorrow from eight in the morning till nine-thirty at night. Tired I will be.

Tired I am.

It's all good though.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

B.

Speaking Of Orgasms

2005-12-07T16:03:00.000-08:00

Could someone please explain to me what an orgasm feels like? I'm working on learning how my body works and am not all that pleased at the recent results.

I mean, I can get to the point where I know I am gonna- without a doubt- but then when I should be yelling "YES, OH GOD YES," I find myself saying "Was that it?"

Obviously I am doing something wrong. That can't be it. Can it? A short warm fuzzy feeling is not the explosion I am looking for.

Of course I am in need of a female take on this, but guys please feel free to fill me in on what you experience as well. After all, I want to know what the man I end up with will be feeling too.

Come to think of it (no pun intended) I also wouldn't mind knowing any tricks of the trade, to help either sex have a better orgasmic experience. I will file them away in my Butterscotch brain to use when needed.

Yes, I can research this stuff on the net, which I have actually done to some extent, but they are all nameless faces. I want a more personal touch. Again, no pun intended.

Anyway...

Help.

We Have A Date Set...

2005-12-06T12:05:00.000-08:00

... for next Tuesday.

What to do, what to do.

But Then Again...

2005-12-04T20:45:00.000-08:00

...I am weak, so very very weak.

Sigh.

Hmmm

2005-12-03T13:56:00.000-08:00

After thinking about it for a night, I am not so sure I am willing to try. I think I want more than what was. In fact, I know I do.

My Life

2005-12-02T23:02:00.000-08:00

BoyFromHome, who I had interest in before I moved here, is coming for a visit in January. As we haven't really talked since this past summer, I was rather surprised when he put the idea out there.

Kissboy is friends with BoyFromHome so I emailed to let him know we would be hanging out if he wanted to join us for the one night he will be in town. I felt the need to make the offer, even though I knew he would decline with the same silence I have experienced from him since the night things ended between us one month ago.

To my complete surprise, Kissboy called to say he in fact would like to hang out with us that night. On top of that, Kissboy also asked me if I wanted to hang out with him sometime in the near future. I could not set a specific time as I did not have my chaotic work schedule with me, but if he was serious about trying to continue this weird "friends" thing we have had happening for the last year, then I am also willing to try.

And that is the Butterscotch update.

Old But So Worth Watching

2005-11-30T12:01:00.000-08:00

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5864097001633806354

Wonderful Weapons

2005-11-27T23:28:00.000-08:00

When my brother was younger he liked to buy or make old fashioned fighting weapons. His fancy for fantasy and his brief venture into Dungeons and Dragons saw all kinds of things born into our otherwise *cough* normal household.

This being the case, it was not uncommon to see him and a bunch of his friends wandering around the great outdoors (also known as our backyard) carrying swords, knifes, hatchets, machetes, numchucks, and those big round spike ridden things on the end of chains.

One Autumn night a rather hideous wailing woke my brother and three of his cronies. Since it was close to three a.m. they donned their bought/homemade weapons and made their way outside to investigate. The keening screeching blend drew them to bridge at the bottom of our driveway, and to the drunk man crying atop it.

My brother recognized the fellow, and with a bit of kind verbal prodding, was made to understand that he was bemoaning the loss of his girlfriend, as well as the loss of his own life, which he was getting ready to end.

Now, the best the man could hope for, by jumping off the bridge in question, was to maybe hit his head and knock himself out, thereby drowning in the foot of water the river offered. I mean, the six foot drop may get in a few good bruises and perhaps a broken bone, if his relaxed inebriated body didn't curtail even that, but not much more.

As it was, my brother felt it would be best not to let him take the chance and eventually talked him down. Since buddy was a talker he was ecstatic that he now had people to listen to him so he began a distorted monologue of other possible ways he could end his currently horrible life. While he rambled, one of the other boys came to the house to get our car so they could give the guy a lift home.

It seemed safest to put him in the middle of the back seat, so he didn't on purpose, or more likely accidentally, open a back door and go rolling out, so there he was put. Our car was small and all four of those helping were big, so it was a rather squished affair. The only way to fit in fact was to put all weapons of choice on their knees.

By the time they were all settled and driving the rambling had fallen to frequent spurts and it was about five minutes in that they cut off mid-sentence. My brother assumed buddy had passed out till he glanced in the rear-view mirror.

There sat a man- wide-eyed, with a mouth just as large. The eyes moved to the right, then to the left, without the head moving at all. Shock made its way to fear. Then, very clearly, with no rambling in sight, a rather sober voice asked.

"Sooo, guys. You know all that stuff I was saying, about wanting to die... You know I was just kidding right?"This was followed by a short bout of hysterical laughter and then, "Uh, what's with the arsenal? Did I happen to interrupt something? I mean, it's fine, whatever you were doing. And I don't really need to know, in fact, it's none of my business at all. Yes, you can probably let me out here so you can get back to it you know. Whatever it is. Not that I need to know. I'm fine now. Perfectly fine. Really. I'm sorry I took up your time."

It took a moment for the four boys to figure out what buddy was talking about, but I am sure their own hysterical whoops of laughter didn't make him feel any better.

A'course he got back at them when he wet himself.

But, on the bright side, he realized just how much he liked living after all.

This story reminds me of another fellow at home who tried to kill himself by laying on the train tracks. This brilliant plan resulted in him spending the rest of his long life without legs. Probably the best example of irony I have ever come across.

Where this post came from I do not know. But that is the beauty of blogging.

Is It Wrong...

2005-11-23T14:47:00.000-08:00

... that I want to get married so I can have copious amounts of sex so that I can lose weight?

While I thought I was dealing with missing Kissboy just fine, it seems that my 'dealing' has come in the form of peppermint ice-cream and nacho chippies. Sigh.

Ah well, at least my body fat is something I can beat the shit out of if I so choose.

I can not however, legally that is, beat the shit out of my housemates.

It is winter people! Shut the damn windows!

What? Well, yes, I guess I could have sex without being married, but finding a man whore is much more difficult than you would think, and anyway, that is NOT what this post is about.

In fact, it isn't even about my new housemates inability to shut his freaking window when he leaves for days at a time.

It is about... well, I guess I don't yet have a topic, but I do know it is not going to be about SEX. Nor about the fact that I am not having said topic, nor about the fact that everyone else in this house, perhaps world, is.

I love being single and in my prime.

Moving on.

The last two weeks have been chaotic. Good chaotic though, so I am not complaining.

School is finished.

Teaching for free is finished.

An interview to become a TOC is pending. Cross your fingers- everyone.

And I am back to working in a book store! Yay for books, and hours of repeated Christmas tunes.

I so love this time of year, despite the fact that I feel I am currently living in a Stephen King novel. For some reason the fog is out to get us. It was beautifully eerie the first few days. Now it is just plain creepy, not to mention dangerous.

But back to loving this time of year. I know people are stressed about money and pissed at how commercialized Christmas has become, but for me, it is all about that other feeling that is in the air. The one that makes you feel all giddy and dancy. The one that makes you want to shout, skip, and sing. The one that smells of gingerbread and home.

Deep breath.

Ahhh Christmas.

Or just plain winter.

I can almost smell snow in the air. Soon. And more than last year I believe. I hope.

Oh, do you member the two Spanish students I have been working with at the school? The day I said goodbye I gave them two books full of blank white paper and some markers. You would have thought I gave them two brand new cars the way they were acting. My heart broke.

Then, much to my surprise, they invited me to their house for supper. I was touched, and terrified, but yet I went.

Seven people who speak Spanish, and me, the one who does not. Yet it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. They showed me photos of their life before Canada, and trust me when I tell you, we don't know what poor is. Columbia is beautiful, but its beauty was covered up by thin children, guns, and poverty. I am still surprised they managed to obtain the few pictures they had.

The smallest boy, who was probably five or six, never said boo the whole time I was there, but he did run after me with my camera when I was leaving.

Writing about it does not do the experience justice so I am going to move on.

In the whirlwind of the past two weeks I did manage to see the new Harry Potter movie. My friends treated me as a graduation gift, and I was highly entertained. I am not a huge fan of the books, but I did love the scenery all wall size.

What else, what else?

Well, Kissboy and I have not spoken since that emotional night, but the other boy from home did talk to me for the first time since this summer. Of course this conversation had to occur since a girl friend of mine asked me if I would care if she asked him out.

I said I didn't care... and I really don't, but I am wondering if I will care more if he actually says yes. Time will tell I guess. We had to speak though, after she contacted him, so that he could be sure that her contacting him had nothing to do with me.

I think he thought she was planning to corner him and ask him all kinds of Butterscotch questions. The male ego never fails to astound me. I've never been one to play games, which he knows, so why would I start now?

Okay, now that I have read your blogs, and have updated mine, I must go deal with my email.

Smiles all.

B.

Ah Chaos, How I Love Thee

2005-11-22T18:52:00.000-08:00

I can not stay long, but tomorrow is looking hopeful. For the first day in ages I will not have to teach for free, work for minimum wage, or do something for one of my courses.

Here's to hoping that nothing else comes up so I can get caught up.

I'm suffering some serious withdrawal here...

Goodbye Hello

2005-11-08T11:00:00.000-08:00

Broken hearts in the past have seen me partake in numerous pity parties, weeks of wallowing, and all out depression. Apparently my body is trying something new this time, for outside of my current odd head space, and my one night of drinking, there has been hardly any crying to speak of.

Too busy to think? Denial? My heart's method of self-defense? Who knows? Who cares? I will take it.

Goodbye Kissboy.

Hello Meatball.

What?

WHAT?

GOOD GOD, NO!

ICK!

Must your mind always go immediately to the gutter?

I didn't mean that kind of 'hello'.

I was simply speaking to the mountain of a cat who had just pushed my leg out of the way so he could get under my desk. He likes to sleep on the vent, which results in at least his being warm.

Yes, the roomies brought him indoors for the winter, but not until after a chaotic visit to the vet where he was freed from all his lovely infections and worms. Or at least that is what they tell me. Don't think I haven't been studying that fat white ass on a regular basis. (Again, out of the gutter!) I can deal with a broken heart, but don't ask me to deal with wriggly white ass dropping worms.

Due to His Majesty's presence the rabbit has been moved to the kitchen as it is the only place in the house, outside of our rooms and the bathroom, that has doors. The doors are needed to keep him from becoming kitty food. Ironically, the other two cats are terrified of Mr. Bunny (yes, that IS what they named it), and have been known to run for their lives when in its vicinity. Therefore poor Mr. Bunny has no idea that it should even be afraid of Meatball. And he should be afraid. Very afraid.

Due to my practice teaching, my course work, and working at Coles, I may not be around much for the next two weeks. Which reminds me, I should get ready for the bookstore since this is my first day back.

Hmmm, I wonder if that cute guy still works there? Wait, he was only 18 wasn't he? Damn.

Oh, but wait again.

That would make him 19 now.

Hello rebound.

What?

Good grief, I was kidding.

Sheesh, a gutter mind AND no sense of humor.

Yawn

2005-11-07T01:47:00.000-08:00

Too tired to write, but want to blog just the same.

I guess two lines is better than nothing.

I'm A Little Bit Broken

2005-10-31T20:49:00.000-08:00

Kissboy and I had the talk this weekend, at his instigation.

I wasn't prepared, and am still reeling from the shock of it.

A last kiss goodbye may very well be the most bittersweet thing on the face of the earth.

Like the title says...

You Confuse Me

2005-10-27T20:40:00.000-07:00

If you are a man and you are reading this, then yes, I mean you.

Just thought you should know.

What?

Well, yes, women are just as bad, maybe even worse in fact, but that doesn't at all change my first sentence.

Huh?

Nooo, not everything confuses me.

Damn peanut gallery.

I'm going to bed.

The New Guy

2005-10-25T18:05:00.000-07:00

I am certain I just heard him slap her ass. This is sooo not going to work.

He has his music on, I have my head between both of my computer speakers with mine blaring, and still I can hear far more than I need to. Sigh.

I am not sure what I am most upset about. The fact that he is having sex, or that I'm not.

It doesn't help at all that what I am doing is writing a freaking paper. Gah!

Outside of cleaning up his shit in the kitchen and in the bathroom (no pun intended), the only rule I had for him was : I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU HAVING SEX-EVER!

This is one of those rules you don't break. I mean really- ICK!

It is times like these that I hate my ability to visualize everything.

I need a drink.

Fun Times

2005-10-25T17:16:00.000-07:00

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

Member the Girl Who...

2005-10-21T17:51:00.000-07:00

... wanted to show me -in person- how to use a vibrator? Well, she has struck again.

Phone conversation from two nights ago:

"I know you're not going to believe me B, but I have had it with men!"

"Why wouldn't I believe it? You just went through a messy break up. You will need some time to recover."

"No, you don't understand. I have really had it, so much so that I have been thinking about making a change."

"Change can be good. What kind of change?"

"I think I am going to maybe start dating women."

Long long pause of stunned silence. Then of course I realized she was kidding and laughed.

"Ha ha ha. Yesss, well, I don't think I am quite that desperate yet."

Nother moment of now awkward silence.

"No B. You don't get it. I am serious. I mean, it wouldn't even have to be about sex, it could just be someone to cuddle with at night, to talk to, to keep away the loneliness."

Howtoreacthowtoreacthowtoreact?

"Oh."

"I know it sounds crazy..."

"Yeah, sooo... How is work going?"

Now don't get me wrong, to each his own, but this is a girl I have known for 18 years and it completely freaked me out. Maybe cause she has spent the last month trying to get me to move back home and in with her. I think of her as a good friend, and I love her, but not THAT much.

Just once it would be nice if I could have a normal relationship fall into my lap.

***

Speaking of the R word, Kissboy is back in town. He had to travel back East as there was a death in his family. The amount of suffering I did for him does not bode well for my heart.

He called when he got in from the airport, which made me far too happy, and I ended up spending the night at his place. He was running on pretty much no sleep, and had to work the next day so I was surprised he invited me. Surprised, and like I said, far too happy.

It wasn't my plan to fall for him again. For I am very afraid that is what I have done... only, it wasn't by choice. It was kind of like waking up after a night of way too much drinking- you know, the black-out kind of drinking. The kind where you open your eyes, look around, wonder where you are, and how the hell you got there?

***

The roomie and I had a bit of a chat last night. She is pissed at the teachers for participating in an illegal strike. Her argument would have had more of a basis if she wasn't so quick to enjoy other aspects that come with breaking the law, or at least condoning having a boyfriend who does.

Plus, she felt the need to complain about the new guy cause he left a cutting board with crumbs in front of the microwave. She must have been upset cause that is usually where she leaves her shit.

I like her, she is a really sweet person, but the majority of the mess in the kitchen is hers. You can't even see the kitchen table or chairs so covered with crap they are.

Yes, I did point this out. Apparently she doesn't mind mess if it is her mess. Mm hmm.

***

My concern for Kissboy made me totally ignore Gidget. "Poor poor Gidget." I guess I had better go pay him some attention...

Mr. Gloosecap

2005-10-18T13:15:00.000-07:00

Mr. Gloosecap
Originally uploaded by _butterscotch_.

Got an email from home today. Apparently the town has a new member. No pun intended. (If you check out the next picture the pun will make more sense.)

What Were They Thinking?

2005-10-18T13:13:00.000-07:00

What Were They Thinking?
Originally uploaded by _butterscotch_.

The town may want to make some adjustments... Click on the pic if you want to get a good look. *cough*pervert*cough*

WTF?

2005-10-15T20:41:00.000-07:00

Hurricanes, then earthquakes, and now riots in Ohio.

What next?

They Are Out To Get Me

2005-10-11T22:04:00.000-07:00

On my walk today, I spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to rescue caterpillars. For some reason every fuzzy creepy-crawler felt the need to cross the same road, in the same direction, at the same time. It was incredibly X-Filish, but my creepy meter wouldn't allow me to leave them to be smooshed by the traffic happy. The more I saved the more I realized that the neighbours were going to declare me mad. And then it hit me- that was the caterpillars plan all along...

Nearing the end of my insane rescue mission a small black insect flew kamikaze style directly into my eye. At first I thought maybe it was a new flyer, or high on pollen, but then realized that it may have been in cahoots with the caterpillars and was simply trying to blind me. Unfortunately he failed the mission and met his embarrassing end by drowning in a tear duct. I did my best to remove the remains but I am pretty sure there is still a leg or two kicking around in there. Wonderful.

Crossing the lawn to get to the house I failed to notice the hanging green worms, that is until I felt them clinging to my face. I handled their attack pretty well. Just kept telling myself it could have been worse, it could have been spiders. Shudder.

In an attempt to remove the green monsters I missed seeing the newly formed web that was obviously created to catch me on my way to the door. I mean, Mr.Spider built it right across the deck opening. At this point, I began what no doubt looked like some kind of sadistic mating dance. I am proud to say I did not shriek, even if it was only cause I was too afraid to open my mouth. After the walk I had just experienced I figured I had better not tempt fate, and give yet another creature an opening.

I have showered twice since then, and did a bedroom check. It appears safe so far but I am fairly certain that sleep will not come quickly. Who knows what is waiting for me to turn out the lights.

On the bright side, I have discovered that bugs at war are a great way to take ones mind off of other life issues.

A Note From B

2005-10-10T22:59:00.000-07:00

Has anyone else noticed that our world is falling apart? What is with all the natural disasters lately?

Us here in BC are due for "the big one", and the thought that it could be me out there digging through the earthquake rubble, looking for loved ones... My mind simply can't comprehend the horror of it.

Watching one devastating disaster after another leaves my soul torn between wanting to shrivel up and die, and wanting to get out and live. Live hard at that, for each moment is a gift that obviously can't be taken for granted.

Outside of the major catastrophes, I have a number of friends who are losing their loved ones one by one. I hurt for them all. Then, turning the coin over I have a whole other group who have already, or who are soon going to be, new mommies and daddies.

Perhaps the reason I have been having such a hard time posting lately is cause I feel like it would be selfish to get lost in me, when so many are suffering far more than I can even fathom.

Frankly, it amazes me that with all the chaos around me I can still manage to get lost in my own issues.

Kissboy is one such issue. The talk I had planned on having has been postponed. He is one of those I mentioned earlier that is currently waiting for Death to take a loved one. I can't add to his stress level, so wait I will. Wait and wonder...

Then there is my Dad, who is still not back to work. I am beginning to think that the company is never going to get its act together, and then what will he do?

My whole world after December is a huge question mark. Oddly enough, that is the lowest on my own personal issue list.

This is one Thanksgiving that I am very aware of all I have to be thankful for.

I am sure that my next post will reek of my typical demented humor, but for now, this will have to do.

Happy Thanksgiving All!

2005-10-09T08:24:00.000-07:00

Happy Thanksgiving All!
Originally uploaded by _butterscotch_.

In Another World

2005-10-05T23:16:00.000-07:00

Though I am super busy, I am also in hibernation mode. I haven't read any blogs lately, nor have I managed to write any of my own. Hopefully this phase won't last too long...

No doubt this anomaly is thanks to the fact that I have been forced to get up at six-thirty every morning this week. Once my body adjusts to the shock I will hopefully be back in full Butterscotch force.

Until that time...

B.

Waiting

2005-10-02T11:42:00.000-07:00

I was never very good at it.

Warning: Another Sex Question

2005-09-27T19:09:00.000-07:00

Just had a conversation with a friend that resulted in a wee bit of sex talk. Said conversation brings me to my next curious question:

Would you have sex during "that time of month"?

So far all of my blog world is an overwhelming YES for morning sex. I can't wait to see what the results for this one will be.

I will start it off...

Considering how my hormones react during "that time of month" I will have to say YES. And YES again.

K.

Your turn.

Morning Sex

2005-09-22T23:15:00.000-07:00

Yes or No?

Been having some interesting conversations with some of my girl friends lately and I am curious to see what you guys think on this whole issue.

Girl friends being girls who are just friends, in case you are wondering.

If at any time I find myself having sex, it will be with a boy. And for me, the morning is a definite yes. It seems however, that most girls are the complete opposite of me... but I guess that seems to be a growing trend these days.

Anyway, again I ask:

Morning sex- yes or no?

Mm mm mmmm

2005-09-22T00:04:00.000-07:00

Had a friend treat me to a real massage the other day. He paid for the whole spa affair. It cost more than a third of what I pay for a months rent. I bout died of shock, but who was I to spoil his surprise by refusing?

I had never had a professional wipe oil all over my body before, and at no time, professional or not, have I ever had a woman touch me so intimately. I thought beforehand that I may find it very unsettling but holy crow- it was heaven.

The down side of the whole affair, and it is the ONLY downside, is that now I want to have another one. Sigh.

The best thing about the entire fifty minutes was that she was able to explain to me exactly why I was experiencing so much lower back pain, and how to get rid of it. Sweet. I still can't believe I can roam about pain free again. Woo hoo.

That being said, I am off to do some said roaming.

Smiles blog world, smiles.

B.

Congrats To My Cuz

2005-09-20T23:55:00.000-07:00

JD
Originally uploaded by _butterscotch_.

You Rock Jason (JD), literally!

May you do INXS proud, and vice versa.

I am now off to continue screaming and dancing.

Many smiles sent your way.

B.

Would You...

2005-09-15T12:36:00.000-07:00

...want to live with someone before you married them?

You Will Have To Title This One Yourself

2005-09-14T01:24:00.000-07:00

I think too much.

I know it is hard to imagine, based on my lazy ass blogs lately, but I do.

Ah well, at least I blog more than Astronaut Jones and PJ.

What?

Why yes, that was a hint. Not that it will even be read... *grumble grumble*

I have been in a weird mood all day, moreso than usual. I am going to blame it on the forest fire smoke that has enveloped our land. You thought I was gonna say Gidget didn't you? Geeze! He isn't responsible for everything you know.

"But-"

*shh*

"But I di-"

*SHH!"

"BUT I DID STAR-"

Excuse me for a moment everyone.

*What the hell are you doing? Shut up already! Do you want me to hit you with that book again?*

Ahem.

As I was saying.

Gidget is perfectly innocent.

*an encyclopedia poised and waiting*

"Innocent. I be innocent. Yep yep yep."

If you want to blame Gidget for something, you can get after him for making my alone time a living nightmare. I can't do ANYTHING without him watching.

Take from that what you will.

On that note, I am off to watch House. I taped it and Gilmore Girls. Oh, did anyone watch Supernatural tonight? What did you think? The fact that it has Jensen Ackles in it was enough to make it a hit for me.

Until next time...

B out.

Did anyone else just hear Ryan Seacrest?

Let The Waiting Begin

2005-09-13T23:10:00.000-07:00

JD
Originally uploaded by _butterscotch_.

In one week we will know if you made it or not.

Ironically the last time I saw you you told me you would be a rock star someday.

Let us hope that INXS makes that dream come true.

Congrats Forge!

2005-09-12T22:31:00.000-07:00

Forge
Originally uploaded by _butterscotch_.

I am so excited for you I can hardly see straight. Four CCMA Awards! Talk about kicking some Canadian ass.

It is hard to believe that just last summer I was sitting in a crowd of twenty watching you perform. My, how things have changed.

You used to tell me your dreams. It seems they have all come true.

God bless.

B.

I Have Become A Recluse

2005-09-11T22:28:00.000-07:00

You know you have to get out more when you start having full fledged conversations with the lump on your wrist.

What?

Yes, Gidget, I know you have a name.

What? Sigh.

Okay, fine. I apologize. You're right, I was completely insensitive.

Apparently just having me to converse with isn't much fun for him either.

So Far This Week

2005-09-08T22:53:00.000-07:00

I left to return my rented movies, without said movies. I retrieved the forgotten videos and forgot my keys. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't continuously having to climb a huge flight of spider ridden stairs with a bad back.

Meatball showered me with cat love, first by bringing me a dead mouse, then promptly giving my hand a love bite with his beautiful bloody teeth. What? Oh. No, no he did not harm Gidget. And don't worry, I am fine by the way... yep, thanks for asking.

I started taking pain killers for the previously mentioned sore back, on the very same day that my course work arrived.

My distant cousin made my family proud by showing off his drunken naked body on national television.

One of my friends from home sent me an email telling of a girl who believes Kissboy is moving home next summer to be with HER.

Gas prices took another 19 cent leap in the area that I have to drive to in two weeks.

The people downstairs have been cooking their dirty socks, or something that smells exactly like that. I know this as the delightful aroma makes its way up through the grate in my floor.

The neighbor's are planning on buying a pet wolf, to go with their rooster, chickens, and pig. While part of me envisions this being the end of all the latter animals, no doubt it will just mean one more noise maker in my backyard.

My trunk fell on my head. Twice.

Howie got booted from Big Brother.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

Course, to be clear, none of this has gotten me down in the least. In fact, life is pretty damn good. Gack! Look at the time. I must go. It is time for my medication...

Rock Star: INXS

2005-09-07T22:26:00.000-07:00

I am not surprised that JD Fortune (previously known as Jason Bennison) is putting my small piece of country on the map. I could have done without the visual of seeing his bare ass sitting atop his birthday cake though. Sigh.

I don't know if any of you are actually following this reality program but if boredom hits next Tuesday night feel free to send some votes his way. While he has the ability to piss people off in the worst way (he nearly drove me mad as a child) I would still like him to do well.

In other news, my Fall classes have started so I may not be around as much. It all depends on how badly I wish to procrastinate. Time will tell.

Speaking of procrastinating, I must go get caught up on your blogs.

Smiles,

B.

Gas In Nova Scotia...

2005-09-04T11:37:00.000-07:00

... is currently $1.50 per liter, which converts to $5.70 a gallon.

I may never go home again.

Scriggle Grum

2005-09-02T22:26:00.000-07:00

Why do people cut me off when there isn't a car to be seen behind me, and then insist on driving 20kms under the speed limit?

The housemates went away for the weekend. Gidget and I are enjoying our rare taste of privacy... yet we are bored.

I would be tempted to call Kissboy cept I realized that he is the only one left on my 'what if' list which leaves me completely and totally terrified. And how does one best deal with terror? They avoid it. Or at least the smart ones do. You won't find me going outside in the middle of the night to see what that hatchet in flesh sound was... no sirree me. Nuh uh.

I guess part of me would like to think that December Sand is still on that list, but since he has been very clear that he does not want to be... well, one needs to be able to receive rejection and keep on truckin'. Course my current form of truckin' seems to be hiding, but hey, who can blame me for parking with these kind of gas prices?

Did I mention that Gidget and I are bored?

Monk just informed me that businesses can sometimes hear us when they put us on hold. I am not sure, but I have to believe that would be the most interesting part of the job.

*B tries to block out anything embarrassing that she may have done while waiting an obscene amount of time for the elevator music to stop*

*B realizes why she may have been put on hold for so long*

Boredboredbored.

Bored but thankful. Thankful to be where I am, safe and sound.

I find it hard to watch what is happening in New Orleans. Can't wrap my head or my heart around it. Just... can't.

God.

Is it just me or are natural disasters treating us humans like a punching bag lately?

What was that?

I hear something outside.

*straining to hear possible hatchet sounds*

Be right back...

***

I made sure Meatball was safe and sound in his doggie bed (no cat beds will fit his roly poly body) and locked the doors.

Like I said, no wandering around in the dark for me. Specially in this area.

When I first moved in I asked the housemates why so many people were having trouble with their car alarms. They looked at me like I was an idiot girl from the country (no comments from the peanut gallery) and explained that if I heard a car alarm out this way it meant that it had actually been stolen.

Would anyone else like to play with Gidget? He moves much like a marble would, if you were to shove it underneath your skin.

I despise all commercials that have people screeching.

Must go. Gidget does not want me to type anymore. I am not sure I like how he is taking over. If he doesn't come down off his high horse I may have to bring out the big book again.

B.

Gidget

2005-08-31T21:29:00.000-07:00

Found a lump on the top of my hand, right before my wrist. Concerned me more than scared me- till I got to the clinic.

The hour I had to wait made my mind wander in all kinds of horrid directions. Cancer runs in my family, and while I would gladly choose to ignore lumps and hope they go away, I knew that trying to explain to my Mom why I waited till it was too late... well, that really wasn't an option.

As I sat with all other sorts of hacking, oozing bodies I wished desperately that I had of thought to bring a book or my journal. Magazines are not really my thing, and frankly, I can never read one in a place like that without wondering how many other diseased hands have touched it.

It was right around the time that I was ready to bolt from the building that they called my name. I was led around to various rooms till they found one that was empty, where again I proceeded to wait. This office had a poster of happy faces on the ceiling. Oddly, that calmed me.

The doctor arrived, shook my hand- brave man that shakes hands of ill people most of his life- and spoke with an accent that had me putting complete faith in him.

He took one look at my hand and said.

"That my dear is a gangolian cyst".

My heart stopped.

"Gang go what?" I stammered.

"A gangolian cyst."

"Cyst?" My voice sounded far away.

Thank God I was already sitting down.

Doctor's really need to learn to open such conversations with "Oh that, that is nothing to worry about- you are just fine"!

Cause I was fine. I am fine.

Apparently these gangolian thingies are par for the course, and commonly hit people once or twice in a lifetime. In fact, I was blessed that mine chose a spot that keeps me from experiencing any pain which means I do not have to be operated on.

He said it could be a result of my typing so much. Can you imagine? Me?

Anyway, I left with a much lighter heart and with two options to get rid of the thing.

One was to leave it alone and let it eventually disappear in its own good time.

The other was to smash it with something.

Of course I did the second- with a big big book.

Stupid stupid girl.

I only did that once in case you were wondering.

Now I have just decided to adopt it. It's name is Gidget and it like to be squeezed and manipulated at any time that one's hand is free.

I may never again have a boyfriend.

That being said, Gidget needs some exercise.

Until next time...

B.

On A More Serious Note

2005-08-31T14:25:00.000-07:00

When one leaves home for a year, then travels back, things change.

I may have changed more than anyone.

While previous visits saw me run from place to place and activity to activity with only brief pauses at the parents, this one had me do the opposite.

90 percent of my time was spent just soaking in my family.

This may have had something to do with the scare that my Dad gave me when I first saw him. He had aged, quite a bit. I knew stress over money, and his three pack a day habit (no doubt the reason he is stressing about funds), would eventually catch up to him, but I had no idea how quickly that would happen.

My Dad is the most intelligent man I know, and I have always pictured him as the strong young man he was when I was a kid, so this sudden reality was a fist of fear to the chest. I loved my Dad more in that moment than I ever thought possible.

I can't imagine my life without him.

Mom thankfully looked the very same. I found out as time went on though that she too is worrying about numerous things, one of which is my Dad.

I hate feeling helpless.

Sometimes feeling helpless though lets one concentrate on those things that are truly important.

Outside of that shock, my time spent with Mom and Dad was wonderful.

It broke my heart to have to leave them.

Missing them I am.

I also took time to go see my Gram who is currently in a home. She had no idea who I was but I think she enjoyed the visit just the same. I love that in all that she has lost, she still maintains her dry sense of humour.

I so wished my brother could have been there.

It will be difficult missing another Christmas, but it made more sense to take the four weeks I had, than the one week I would be able to take in December.

Hopefully someday I will have a job that allows me to visit a little more often.

To all of my family, who will no doubt never read this, I love you!

Thank you for loving me no matter what (and there has been a lot of no matter whats).

B.

What I Came Back To

2005-08-31T13:07:00.000-07:00

For four weeks I watched three different squirrels eat out of my Dad's hand. For four weeks I watched the Mamma coyote and her five half grown pups romp around our blueberry fields. For four weeks I watched the Mother deer guide her fawns around said coyotes.And all this watching involved me sitting on our front deck.

Ahh home.

I am such a country girl.

While I have more Nova Scotia tales to tell, I think I will leave them for another day.

I will instead fill you in on my return.

Let the venting commence.

Upon opening my British Columbia door I was besieged by a screeching rodent, which once calmed, I realized was nature's attempt at a dog. Now I knew the male roomie wanted to get a mutt when I left but I was pretty sure this wouldn't have been his first choice. I mean, it was smaller than Meatball. As there was no one else in the house it proceeded to follow me around while I checked out the place.

Would you look at that? A rabbit. In our living room! In a cage almost as big as the spare room. Welcome to the zoo.

And what a zoo it was.

The kitchen had become the home of a bajillion spiders, not to mention one god-awful mess.My bedroom bore the remains of numerous cat hair sheddings, and when I booted my puter, I turned in time to see the rodent..er..dog doing the scratch his ass dance on my carpet.

Gah!

That did it!

After crawling over a few pieces of furniture I reached my shoes, and once safely in them, began to clean.

It was probably a good thing no one else was here for the next three hours cause B was not a happy camper.

I had always been frustrated with the cupboard space being taken up by the roomies mess, but this was a new high on disgusting.

After searching for twenty minutes I found the recycling boxes outside sprouting beards of web. Our two closets were bursting, having a months worth of crap waiting to be taken to the corner. I will let your imagination give you an idea of how the milk cartons were smelling, and it still won't come close to the rancid truth.

I can't even write about the bathroom. Shudder.

When the regulars finally came home they didn't give me a chance to rant. Instead they promptly smothered me with love and joy. Apparently I am the best housemate in the world, thanks to the new girl, who most decidedly, is not.

It seems that a war had begun the moment I left. The new girl refused to clean- anything- including her own dishes. This frustrated the other two so much that they went on strike hoping to force her into action. Since living in her own filth did not bother her, this plan backfired.

She wouldn't even buy toilet paper, which meant my going back to re-scrub the tub with reams of bleach.

*insert gagging noises*

I then found out that because the roomies had spent so much money on the new rabbit, his cage, and his operation (something to do with the poor things head), that they were considering putting up rent. Uh huh. Because I would obviously be okay with spending my money on their four hundred dollar rabbit cage.

Thankfully the dog with the clean ass was ours for only a few days as they had agreed to look after it for someone, which resulted in B looking after it as they were never home. Rodent and all I couldn't help but love the thing but all the cats, outside of Meatball, who thinks he is a dog himself, HATED it, and made for a tiring amount of animal squabbles.

The new girl only had two more nights before she moved out and it took her that long to pack and clean her room. The amount of dirty dishes I saw...

*insert more gagging noises*

Then to top it all off, this girl, while doing whatever it was that she does in the washroom, pushed a tile through the wall in the shower area, and didn't tell anyone about it. She just up and left.

Ask me how happy I was when I went to shower and found a gaping hole, one that would not condone water running into it without the floor falling through, or my going up in flames.

ARGH!KiCkSCrEaMRanTRAve

There.

Much better.

I am good now.

Outside of that, it is great to be back.

Smiles,

B.

An Adventure of B!

2005-08-30T19:51:00.000-07:00

Exhausted I was, but my first weekend home was not to be squandered on rest. No no noo. It was the annual weekend of the huge Waterfront Music/ Beer Garden Event. Woo hoo! So off we go, me and my friend- we will call her Mandy- with me driving her car so she can drink. Not in the car, but at the beer garden, well, after the pub... but I am getting ahead of myself.

Mandy had recently gotten out of a serious relationship and had yet to face the world. B to the rescue... or so I tried.

Our first stop was the local pub that I frequent on Open Mic nights when I am home. Here I met up with the boy who kissed me goodbye a year ago that very weekend. I think my surprise may have been a bit too much for him as I drove him to drink. A lot. Far far more than I have ever seen him drink before. The result of said inebriation was my realizing that even if he does care about me, he isn't sure how much he cares, or he is simply too terrified to let himself love again. Either way, I have let that thought go. I want whoever I end up with to be sure about me, sure to the point that he will take whatever risks he must to at least try.

Yet another 'what if' bites the dust. Anyway, the night moved from the pub to the waterfront, where I was hoping to run about greeting friends from days gone by. It didn't quite work out that way. For here enters Mandy's ex-boyfriend, Justin. (Yet another make believe name.) Thousands of bodies, and he is one of the first people we see. Sigh.

This was a bad thing for a number of reasons.

One- they broke up and while she instigated it, heaven forbid he not stay home and wallow in his misery.

Two- he is a good friend of mine, had been before they got together in the first place- and I was torn as to how I could remain loyal to both.

Three- once she saw him she refused to budge. Instead, I found myself spending my night in the same place watching her watching him.

As she watched she was getting more and more angry that he wasn't home grieving her loss, or at least attempting to look like he was miserable without her. What she couldn't see was that he was hurting, a great deal, but emotion and alcohol often distort things I guess.

So, my fun night out was turning into a weird stalker affair in which I felt cornered. Thankfully people made their way to us so it wasn't a complete loss. One such person was the Barboy I have sometimes mentioned. Mercy but he is a hottie. Mm mmm. He thinks I am attractive but he is not attracted to me. It really is quite amazing what people will say when they are drinking. Good to know though... good to know. In fact, now that I think about it, I guess I can add him to that dust-hit list.

Two hours later Mandy, beer brave, went to talk to Justin. She said she just wanted me to have a chance to say hi. This "hi" turned out, horrifically, into her having a one-sided rant session, which was ended by her stomping off. While I was afraid to leave her alone I did take the time to apologize, give him a hug, and tell him that I wish I could make things better. He looked so... broken. Sigh.

After a bit of a jog I caught up with mad Mandy and to soothe her temper I agreed to take her to the MacDonald's drive through. It took one hour to get through the line-up. One HOUR! And it didn't soothe anything.

Three-thirty hit and we were finally on our way home. Thank you God and all that is good. I was sooo ready for bed, and knew that I had to be up super early for church with my Mom. One road away from home I slam on the brakes. WTF? In front of my headlights I see a lone girl sitting in the middle of the road. I stared for a moment, hoping it was a figment of my imagination, but then she turned and looked at us. I put the four-ways on and got out to check on her, with Mandy yelling "Move the drunk bitch off the road so we can go!" I found that statement rather hypocritical but wisely kept the thought to myself.

Note to self: Never let Mandy drink again.

The girl looked to be about 17 though I later found out she was 22 or 23. She was bleeding from the mouth and appeared to have a hurt arm since she was holding it close to her body. When I asked what happened she, somewhat spacedly, told me that someone beat her up and threw her out of the car. I told her I was going to have to call the police to come help her and she started freaking out, begging me not to... but yet she made no effort at all to get off the road... not even to stand. Then she happened to mention that her friend was still in the car with the maniac who hurt her. That did it for me, I dialed 911.

The moment the police started showing up Mandy lost it. For some reason she thought they were going to think the WE had hit the girl and she was furious that I would involve her. I admit, that those driving by may think we hit her, but frankly, that was the least of my concerns. While I had been in a hurry to get home, I also knew that it was probably a blessing I was the one to find her cause if the likely intoxicated driver had been there first they may not have seen her in time.

After being questioned to death by the police and the EMT's, and after apologizing to all of them for Mandy's rantings (I seemed to be doing a lot of that), and after agreeing to write a written statement for them on Sunday night at the station, we were allowed to go. Yay. Five in the a.m.. Three hours sleep. Goody.

When I got up I felt like I was the one who was hung over. Mandy apologized at this point and all was forgiven but over the course of the four weeks I began to realize that her anger was not simply the result of alcohol. But that is another story.

Oh, right, the girl in the middle of the road. Apparently her story differed from the guy who 'pushed' her from the car. His side, along with the other girl, who happened to be his girlfriend, stated that they were trying to help this girl get home. She didn't want to be helped and started hitting and punching him while he was driving causing him to stop the car and tell her to get out. Apparently he hit her in the face by accident while trying to her off of him.

The police told me she has had other run-ins with the law and gave the hospital a hell of a time. Ah well, I still couldn't very well leave her there. Festivals always have some kind of excitement attached to them don't they?

One of my friends who were on the clean up crew found a girl passed out in a porta-pottie the next morning. They had to have a female police officer help her put her pants back on before they could take her home. Cause that is a story you want to have to tell your children someday.

Time for me to take a break from the puter. I am overdosing to make up for the withdrawal and my eyes are crossing. Have no fear though, we will return to the adventures of B in the near future. Stay tuned.

Oh yes, one last thing. DECEMBER SAND IS ALIVE! One lone word popped up in my inbox, and while it serves as a huge tease, it also tells me he is still out there somewhere. Thank God.

Smiles all.

B.

Ah How I Have Missed You Puter!

2005-08-28T12:10:00.000-07:00

And you guys too of course.

Before I embark on days of reading in order to catch up with all of your worlds I thought I would ramble on a bit about what has been happening in mine.

Driving across the States was amazing. The farther I got the better the trip was... but I think that had more to do with the gravol and lack of sleep than the actual scenery. The two boys I was with would not let me drive since I would only go 20 miles over the speed limit so my job was to keep them awake when they drove. If you think about it long enough you will soon see why that may not have been the best plan.

At about fifty hours in we all had to stop as they were exhausted and I was hallucinating. The boys took over the front seats and I curled up in the back. Seconds after turning the car off the outside heat almost suffocated us. Lying in an immediate pile of sweat, listening to the guys start to nod off, I startled us all by laughing out loud. Can't say why I started, but I can tell you I found it near to impossible to stop. My hysteria struck a chord in one of the others and both of us became gasping chortling fools. The driver finally yelled in a pissed off man way, uprighted his seat, and drove off. This of course only made us laugh harder. For the first time in my life I was thanking God for air conditioning.

74 hours it took us to go from Langley, B.C., to Pictou County, N.S.. We were happy with the gas prices, cause Nova Scotia prices were almost four dollars a gallon. Shudder.

We arrived at my parents on a Tuesday morning, my Mom's birthday. Dad bout swallowed his cigarette when he saw me, and did have a wee bit of heart failure when he saw who I was traveling with. I forgot that two rather large men with shaved heads and piercings may be a bit off-putting. The best was that he saw them holding luggage and told them "Well boys, I guess you can put your luggage in that room". He thought I brought them home to stay. Priceless... specially if you know my Dad.

When Mom pulled in the drive-way Dad began to speak to her out the front window while I made my way to the deck. Hands full of bags she was chatting up a storm to Dad when she saw me. Much to my surprise the only reaction she had was a rather startled look, one she quickly hid, only to continue chatting with Dad. I was confused and perhaps a bit hurt; it was my Mom after all- I expected crying or screaming or at the very least a hello. After two more odd glances in my direction I got fed up and said "Hellooo".

The bags crashed to the ground and her hands flew up. "You are real!"

Screaming and tears commenced with the comment, "I was scared to tell your father I was seeing things. I thought he would put me away."

Fun times.

That was my first day.

And a good place to stop for now.

It was good to be home. It is good to be home.

B.

Still Alive

2005-08-11T09:05:00.000-07:00

I have only been on a puter four times since I left... maybe five. Would have blogged but needed to do boring school stuff, and check email, and even before that was completed I was always left fighting off those who were waiting for their turn on the timed puter.

Today is no different, as here I sit, typing with one hand and holding off a young male teen with the other, but I had to tell you all that I MISS YOU! I haven't had a chance to read any of your blogs since I left and I am in serious withdrawal.

I have stories to tell but they will have to wait. Remind me to mention the 911 moment.

Many smiles and hugs sent your way.

B.

P.S. Other Jeff Partyka, where did you go?
P.P.S. Usual Jeff Partyka, did you send the snail mail?
P.P.P.S. For those who mentioned that they miss me, thank you. Reading the comments made my heart smile.

Till Next Time

2005-07-22T15:35:00.000-07:00

Well, Butterscotch is a giddy mess, one who will not be able to spend much time posting as she needs to continue re-packing as she has to once again cut down on the amount of crap she wants to take.

For someone who doesn't wear make-up and who has never dyed or permed her hair, I am such a girl.

I am leaving in the a.m., and if all goes well, will arrive to surprise my parents on my Mom's birthday. I warned the boys to let me get out of the car alone if we show up in the middle of the night cause chances are good that my father won't shoot me. Well, pretty good anyway.

I will do my best to blog while I am away but I am making no promises. My father refuses to upgrade his computer and I tend to want to shoot myself when using it. I mean, it is so ancient that it won't even allow me to use msn messenger.

In other news, I managed to go to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory this past week. I knew I would probably like the old version better... and I was right. The Oompa Loompa to the power of an unknown number creeped me out- especially when garbed in yellow. Sudder. It was obviously a Tim Burton affair, and while I usually enjoy Tim Burton, I like him better when doing things such as the new "Corpse Bride" that is coming out.

I talked to Kissboy for an hour and a half on the phone last night. We won't speak again until September. I think it will be good to have the break, so I can figure out just exactly how I feel about this boy... and the two that are currently in Nova Scotia.

I was disheartened to have gained two pounds at my last weigh in, but on the bright side, my body fat has dropped five points, and my body itself has shrunk. I really wanted to look good for this trip home, but apparently I am just going to continue looking like me. I do feel good, so I guess that will have to do.

Well, the mess behind me calls so I am off.

I am going to book a day for reading blogs when I come back. I will need the time to get caught up.

Smiles all.

B.

*dancing about her room*

Holy Shit!

2005-07-18T21:47:00.000-07:00

Just turned on a reality show bout people trying to become a singer for INXS. Almost died when I saw a distant cousin, who I have not talked to since high school. What a shock.

Googled him: http://realitytv.about.com/od/rockstarinxs/ss/RockStarGuys_6.htm

I am blown away.

All A' Fluster

2005-07-18T21:34:00.000-07:00

Started packing today. When I was taking my car I worried not about luggage. Now that we may be traveling with a third fellow, in his brand new car, I am to travel light. Uh, is four bags traveling light?

While I have no fear of a romance developing between myself and the taken friend, I have to wonder a bit about this new addition. He is a cutie currently going through complete emotional hell. Everything in me wants to help- of course.

Wait a minute, I think I wrote myself a reminder once upon a time. Oh yes, here it is.

"NOTE TO SELF: STAY AWAY FROM BROKEN MEN!"

Hard to stay away from a guy you are going to spend every waking moment with for at least 72 hours.

If nothing else, it will make for an entertaining road trip.

Then, on top of that, all the other question marks in my life will be arriving in Nova Scotia around the same time I am; well, cept for the one that is already there.

Kissboy will flying out and we are sure to meet thanks to the number of mutual friends we have. It will be our first in person chat since we said 'goodbye'.

Barboy, who has never once been on the market till the very week I left, will also be flying in, and we too will meet as we frequent the same pub on a regular basis. I honestly have no idea what to do with him now that he is single.

And then there is the boy I kissed before I left. The boy who swore he would never get married or settle down. Said boy msned me this week and completely out of the blue, mentioned that he is thinking it is time to start dating. Apparently he grew emotions and marriage is now a possibility. Course, he didn't use my name in this talk at all, but yet- WTF? He doesn't think he will see me till at least Christmas time. His face should tell me a lot when I stop by to say hello next week.

A boy crazy summer. What fun.

Speaking of fun, I went out with a couple of friends on Saturday night, to eat, then to the Harry Potter midnight thingy. While I would far prefer to line up for a new Gunslinger book, I was highly entertained by those who are Harry Potter fans- specially the two I was with. They were so excited that they had me all jittery.

Walking into the Chapter's bookstore was akin to walking into a Halloween party. A Star Trek Convention for witches. While I found it a bit odd, the teacher in me was blown away. After nine years of subbing I am fairly good at recognizing those kids who do not care to read, and a good majority of them were in that building.

I have seen movies cause this type of hysteria, but never books. I have to admit that my favourite part of the whole experience was what I saw when I left at 12:20pm. Along the side of the building, under the ledge and away from the rain, was a line of people with their heads buried in the pages of the newest novel. It amazed me that they couldn't even wait to get home to start reading. I turned to my friends, wanting to share this absurdity with a laugh, and lo and behold, they too had joined the line of readers.

Though Harry Potter doesn't bring out the geek in me, many other books do, so I completely understood what everyone there was feeling. So much so that I am going to take it upon myself to read the books I missed in the series.

Now back to my road trip. I have told everyone at home that I am going camping this weekend so I won't be able to call or email. It is sort of true. I think they will forgive me for sort of lying.

My mother gets the best birthday presents.

Night all,

B.

Snail Mail Announcement

2005-07-16T16:15:00.000-07:00

If anyone is sending me snail mail please use my real name. DO NOT USE BUTTERSCOTCH!

I will be gone for the month of August and my roomies have to collect my mail. I do not want to share my nickname with them.

Thanks muchly,

B.

PS I will post at least once more before I up and leave...

For Blind Rat

2005-07-15T13:42:00.000-07:00

This is one example of a fudgicle/fudgesicle/fudge stick.

This is what my blog world has come to.

Sigh.

Sweet Retribution

2005-07-14T19:27:00.000-07:00

The regular female roomie commented "I can't stand the mess the new girl leaves!"

I let my eyes wander over the dishes, various food bits, and slime, that was haphazardly strewn across the counter. I then looked at the table that was overflowing with her and her boyfriends crap. "Hmmm. It doesn't look any different to me", I said.

I think she was pissed. I guess the truth hurts sometimes. I got my fudgicle and left.

Sweet Dreams?

2005-07-13T21:50:00.000-07:00

Garunchtin bamablag.

Life has been a little off this week. More than usual.

Member how I said that my dreams have been odd lately? Well, they have gotten SO odd that I now have to fall asleep with the TV on.

Only one has been along the lines of terrifying which resulted in the crawly skin sensation and the desperate lunge for a light switch. The rest have been simply disturbing- mostly because I can't hang on to any of them for more than a waking moment.

I have weeks like these, but it has been a long time since the last one, and usually I can pinpoint the root. Not so for this one. History has shown that it is only said discovery that makes everything okay again, so I am hoping I have an epiphany before my road trip. I may put him off the road if I wake up in a crazy panic.

Even though it makes for troubled sleep, I am not entirely against these mysterious bouts of troubled nights cause when I do get to the source of the problem, it usually brings about something positive.

Off to play the waiting game...

B.

11 More Sleeps

2005-07-11T18:52:00.000-07:00

Because I have gone so far into debt, I am at the point of believing that sinking further will not make much of a difference... so, two weeks from yesterday I will be leaving for good ole Nova Scotia, via the United States. I LOVE road trips, specially ones that are new to me, and wish I could leave NOW; but alas, I have to wait for the fellow who is traveling with me.

Here enters my nemesis- irony.

For those who are new to my blog, this travel partner used to be one of the few men in my life who I would tag obsessive. Not threatening, just very much attracted and willing to do anything to have me share said attraction. It just never happened. Our last conversation, before once again meeting here in BC, consisted of his being furious with me for not at least taking a chance on him.

The reason we made an acquaintance when I moved to this fine province was because his brother was a five minute walk from me. The brother has always been a friend of mine, so it only made sense that our paths would eventually cross. Thankfully, he has found himself another woman to love.

It has become a regular thing- us all hanging out together- and while I am happy that he no longer looks at me the way he used to, I can't help but find it ironic that he and I will be spending days alone together.

Frankly, I can't believe his girlfriend is supportive of the arrangement. I am guessing he never filled her in on our past. Not that we have a past.. but you know what I mean.

We should arrive home on my Mom's birthday. She is going to die when she sees me pull into the yard. I can't wait. I love surprises.

Other stuff is happening but I am too lazy to blog about it... maybe later.

Smiles all.

B.

PS Oh, I was wondering if those of you who live in the States could give me some idea of how much gas costs in your area.

The Roomies Are At It Again

2005-07-08T23:29:00.000-07:00

The roomies are fighting again. Well, not the new girl- but the regular dating ones.

It isn't a new topic. He has been invited to go out with his friends. A guys night. She doesn't want him to go... or, if he does go, she wants to go with him.

What girl in their right mind would invite herself to a boy's night out?

I have been here six months and in that entire time he has been out with his friends once- where she was not a part of things. This day of freedom involved a trip to the city to pick up computer parts. Woo hoo. She spent the day waiting for him to come home- bitching all the while.

She is a really nice girl... but when it comes to being possessive, holy hannah.

The last thing I heard before I got up and closed my door was her explaining that since she has to give up things for him, he should be willing to do the same for her.

He asked her to name one time he has ever kept her from doing anything she wanted.

I don't know what she said, but his answer was a very loud and resounding "Bull shit!"

Frankly I am amazed that she could think of anything to say. I mean, she doesn't want to do anything unless he is a part of it, and what she makes him be a part of- he supports her whether he is happy or not.

Girls can be crazy this way, but I think the smart ones realize that even if they don't need time away from their man, that he needs time away from her. Boys need their friends, their hobbies, their 'freedom' so to speak. Least all the boys I know do. Well, those who are not psychotic stalker types.

I feel bad for him. Yes, he has the option of just going anyway, but then he will spend his evening knowing he has upset her, and that he will have to return home to her wrath/cold shoulder. What fun.

She used the word compromise. I almost laughed out loud. They boy does not compromise- he gives in. She does not compromise. She spends all her time convincing him to see things her way.

Outside of their relationship, she is a sweetheart. I genuinely like both of them. I just find myself frustrated by their typical arguments. Since it is none of my business I find myself venting to all of you so as not to say something stupid to them.

I enjoy cheap rent.

I need to brush my teeth. It is always entertaining to have them stop growling in mid-sentence when I walk out of my room; only to have them start again once I return. Yes, because sound does not travel through our cheap doors and walls...

Anyone A Therapist?

2005-07-08T21:48:00.000-07:00

It has occurred to me that every man I have ever been attracted to has been unobtainable or broken.

After a bit of thought, it seems to me that I like the first type as they are safe. I like the second cause I have this overwhelming need to heal.

Then, if by some accident of fate, the unobtainable becomes obtainable, I run. If the broken is healed, I lose interest.

I am in need of therapy.

Kissboy is history... or at least the kissing part is. I can't be sure about the friendship. I guess that is up to him.

My car cost me almost six hundred dollars today. The irony... I went to get it fixed so I could make a trip home. I had to use my travel money to fix the car. Course, that pissed me off so I am going anyway. Hello credit. I leave two weeks from tomorrow... if all goes as planned. I always wanted to drive through the States.

I am currently watching an Andrew McCarthy movie called Only You. Helen Hunt is a love interest. They are an odd match. Course, anyone but me is an odd match. Hehe.

Jeremy London was a guest on Crossing Jordan the other night. Nearly gave me heart failure.

See- safe.

Yes.

Therapy.

That reminds me, no update on the Jeremy lookalike. Not even a last name.

Happy Birthday Danika! I hope you are having an awesome weekend.

Smiles,

B.

PS Thanks for the encouragement to post guys- it keeps me on my toes-er-my butt:)

Marriage and Masturbation: To Comment

2005-07-02T12:54:00.000-07:00

I am unsure who "There's A Better Way" is but I do agree- marriage would certainly be a better way- IF I had someone to marry. It isn't like I am choosing not to fall in love, or to get married, but since I refuse to get married just so I can have sex, (which some very unhappy friends of mine actually did), I figure masturbation is the current way to go.

Please do not tell me that my other option is to learn to live with said urges. Like I mentioned earlier, my body currently has a mind of its own, and it will not be ignored. And anyway, as was also said, they are God given.

For those of you who have followed my blog from the beginning you know that I am a Christian. I chat with God, have my moments with demons and angels, worked as a youth leader for years, and still attend church every Sunday.

This whole masturbation thing is no shock to Him and I feel no guilt about wishing to find a way to satisfy my body that keeps me from making the bad choices that Susi mentioned. Until masturbation became a choice for me, I walked that road of bad choices, right off a few cliffs in fact.

I do not believe it is something dirty, it is simply a form of release. It isn't like I sit around with magazines and movies and try to get myself worked up beforehand. In fact, now that I think about it, I don't even fantasize. Sorry guys:) I simply deal with my irrational body until that time that it is safe for me to walk among men- and brushes (hehe) again.

And since I am on the topic, when I do get married, I imagine I will still masturbate. I am sure my husband would love to watch and I will be all for pleasing him:)

I am an old fashioned girl who has no qualms about making sex a romantic, fun, intense, spontaneous, loving, and/or wild act of marriage. When I do start having sex, I have no intention of it becoming a part of the 'routine'. Don't get me wrong, there is something to be said for consistency, but if I feel like meeting my hubby at the door with nothing on but one of his white button up shirts- well, I hope he would be open to the idea.

Well, there you have it, way more than you ever wanted to know about Butterscotch.

To Make It Clear

2005-07-01T10:16:00.000-07:00

When my friend offered to show me how to masturbate- she meant IN PERSON! While we did discuss it a bit on the phone, and said discussion did not bother me... the fact that she was okay with us getting naked together freaked me out a bit. Okay, a lot. Like I said. Ick.

Rated R, Well, For B Anyway

2005-06-29T18:32:00.000-07:00

So I had a friend offer to show me how to masturbate last night. A female friend. Thank God we were on the phone at the time, cause really, I am not sure she would have been pleased by the look on my face. While the visual may be a treat to some of the male variety, it did permanent damage to my imagination.

I have known this girl since grade eight, and though she didn't say it was- I took it as a joke. What other choice did I have?

Ick.

Odd but interesting no? Course, sex in general is always a fun topic.

I recently received a comment that made me realize that some of you out there in blog land think that women past 30 no longer have a sex drive. Now this may be true for those who have a number of children, a job, and a husband, but not for me, nor any of my friends in this age range. Yes, we do talk about it.

Scientists tell us that women are just hitting their prime come this age, and I have to admit that I agree with Science on this one. At around age 30 my body grew a mind of its own, and it often argues with the one I was born with. I guess it could be comparable to growing a penis.

My biggest problem is that I never see it coming- this hormonal raging. It just hits whenever it pleases, and has my body suddenly looking at a brush handle with a twinkle in its eye. I said LOOKING! (Hey, better looking at something solid than breakable- but that is a whole other blog in its own. I bet all of you have stories of girls and guys who had to make some rather embarrassing trips to the doctor.)

The problem that makes this a real nightmare is that I am not one of those girls who are able to enjoy a booty call. What? No, this is not cause I can't get a booty call. There are one or two desperate men out there who would sleep with B if she so asked. Sheesh.

Anyway, it was through a comparison of how our bodies are currently betraying us that the topic of masturbation came about, and what a conversation that was. While you got to hear the most entertaining sentence spoken, I think I will leave the rest for another blog.

B.

Does Age Matter To You?

2005-06-27T14:27:00.000-07:00

So Butterscotch hemmed and hawed; wondering if she should go to the house party on Saturday night. She was invited by a friend of a friend and was wary about attending as her regular friends would not be around. Boredom became the deciding factor and off she went.

Okay, enough of the third person.

I was pleasantly surprised to end up knowing more people than I thought I would, and cause I stayed sober I now hold many secrets. It is amazing how much people talk when they are hammered...

The girl who invited me controlled the upstairs and her younger brother was master of the bottom level- both of whom invited everyone they knew. Live music and various girly screams greeted me; I was excited to see the band.

The screams I realized were the product of the crowd around the beer bong. I took a little time to watch a girl who was perhaps the size of the bong itself, attempt to ingest the can of bud. It was not a pretty picture. I happened to see her later on in the evening and I think it is safe to assume that she is still hung over.

The band quit at eleven so as not to piss off the neighbours, but the houseowner's boyfriend felt the need to take his motor bike for a rip up and down the crowded street at one a.m.. Outside of the fact that it was quite possibly the loudest vehicle I had ever heard, I was terrified for his life. He was drinking and at the speed he was going, he could have killed himself completely sober.

About twenty minutes after he parked the thing (that was when it fell over of course) the cops arrived. The boyfriend attempted to tell the party that they complained about the band; not the bike. Mm hmm. Boys and their toys.

I guess I should admit that boredom was not my only incentive for getting off my ass that night. I had missed the last party and my friends who did go freaked out cause they ran into a guy that apparently looks exactly like Jeremy London. Of course they couldn't' wait to call me and rub it in cause I have always had a thing for this certain actor. And even though I heard a rumor that he had gone overseas to teach English, I couldn't help hoping that he may miraculously appear.

Well, he wasn't there, but I was informed that he is living in the area, and wasn't able to make the party as he had to work. Oh? Well then... when is the next party?

That thought lasted until the next piece of info came my way. He is only 22, or maybe 23. Gack! Do I want to meet a 22 year old who looks like Jeremy London? Perhaps it was best that he was not there.

Then, I find out one more interesting tidbit- apparently his last girlfriend was 35 and that he prefers older women. This information came from the guy who lives downstairs; the best friend. He felt the need to share this cause of my stating that 22 would be way too young for me. I think he was insulted as he too is in this age range and felt he was old enough to date me. Course, he guessed my age at 23.

After the police left, I gave a girl a lift home, and then made my way to my place. Once in bed I got to thinking about the whole age thing. I have friends of all ages and know quite a few younger men. I think that intellectually there is no question that some 22 year olds are 'old enough' and I would not insult them by saying that they could not compete with older women on a mental level. I think the problem with dating a younger guy however, would be the fact that we are no doubt in very different places in our lives.

I am at that point where I am thinking of settling down, and what 22 year old male doesn't cringe at the word marriage?

I am no longer talking about Jeremy London (I wonder what his real name is) cause I haven't even met the guy and have no way of knowing if I would even be attracted (just cause they say he looks like him doesn't mean I will agree), but I am just thinking about younger guys in general.

So, question for you. If I did meet a 22 year old guy, found myself attracted to him, and he was an oddity in that he wanted to settle down, would it be crazy to date him? What would you do?

Hmm, I wonder how many comments will start with "Dear Cougar"?

You know, if we never created a way to keep track of time, this may not even be an issue that needs discussing...

Waiting responses....

B.

Now What Do I Do?

2005-06-25T12:09:00.000-07:00

Things I never got to blog about thanks to my ridiculous, but thankfully completed, paper:

1. My dreams have been out of control lately.

2. I love that the new Miller Lite commercial actually does more to promote Bud Light.

3. I almost went off the road laughing when I heard the new Quizno's radio commercial. At first I was horrified to see Don Cherry on their television commercials cause his playing the role of 'sub sponsor' seemed... well... just wrong, but now I am more accepting. I can't member the exact words cause I have only heard it the once but it went something like this:

Young boy: Hey Mom, look, it's the guy from the Quizno's commercials!

Don Cherry: So this is what it has come to.

Hilarious.

I so miss hockey.

4. I was able to watch the episode of One Tree Hill that I missed. What? What do you mean that isn't interesting enough to add to this list? Well mrrm to you too.

5. I have this overwhelming urge to suck on your middle toe.

He he. Just making sure you are paying attention.

Really.

Man, you guys have no sense of humour.

6. The bunny who had a bite taken out of his side (thank you again Meatball) is doing well. He is at the shelter a few streets over. Unfortunately all the other small animals appear to be haunting the area. Due to their tragic, totally traumatic deaths, they are unable to find their way to the light.

7. I am once again out of books to read.

8. The girl who lives downstairs had her boyfriend move in. They are directly under my room. The other couple who live upstairs with me are in a room that connects to mine. Let's just say that I am glad I can control the television volume from my bed. Sigh.

9. I wish I could have seen War of the Worlds before I saw Tom Cruise fall in love.

Tomorrow is here. I just realized it is Friday night... well, technically Saturday morning. I have the feeling that I was supposed to be somewhere tonight...

I must go.

It is good to be back.

B.

I Am Done!

2005-06-24T19:50:00.000-07:00

I must now go dance about; then eat ice-cream.

Soooo....

2005-06-21T22:19:00.000-07:00

... my friend who just had her baby had to call an ambulance the other night. She was having unbearable pain and was afraid she was going to pass out, leaving the three week baby to his own devices. Seems the doctors hadn't gotten all the after-birth. Fun times.

You would think this would be a rare happening but apparently not. My ex roomies sister-in-law went three months with most of her after-birth sewed up inside of her. She couldn't understand why she was suddenly exuding the most obscene stench. Showers didn't help, her husband was horrified, and she was embarrassed out of her mind. Doctors didn't take her seriously in our town so she drove to the city. They were kind enough to open her up and remove the rotting mess. Lovely.

I may never have children.

I will be missing in action until I finish my paper. 19 pages done, 25 to go. I am not going to complain about it since I told myself I wouldn't if I were blessed enough to get my missing work back. However, if I WERE going to complain, I could fill those pages much easier. Sigh.

It seems I have tentative plans for July 1st with Kissboy. It surprised me that he called and asked me what I was doing as we haven't spent time together in months. I would like to have a guy around for the fireworks... one that is not a relation or of the child variety.

Yes, I will still be here on July 1st. Going home is no longer an option... not unless someone feels the urge to write me a cheque..... *smiles big and bats eyelashes*

Hello? Are you still there?

I dreamt that I was married to a guy from home last night; in this dream I loved him very much. It is odd to wake up loving a guy that you in fact don't love at all. It disturbed me more than the fact that we spent our dream lives looking after talking heads.

I also dreamt that I was in a cartoon world where I was expected to save three female children from an evil caretaker. I remember yelling at her and apologizing to God in the middle of my rant for cursing. I also remember that the sky looked exactly like the one you see on the Simpsons, right down to the puffy white clouds.

I have a habit of eating as a way of taking a legitimate break from school work. Not the brightest idea. I took about twenty breaks today.

Meatball loves me enough to drop a half dead mouse at my feet. As much as I appreciated his kindness I insisted that he go ahead and eat it, which he did, just as soon as he stopped throwing it about. I have to admit that beyond my utter horror I was fascinated at how far he was able to toss the poor creature.

They moved One Tree Hill to Mondays, which meant I missed last night's episode. What really makes this hurt is that they filled the Tuesday slot with those who wish to become a Hilton. What the ....?

It is only a little after ten but I am going to bed. Another legitimate reason for leaving the paper.

Smiles all,

B.

PS I will catch up on reading all of your blogs on the weekend! It is my reward for working hard all week. What? Of course I love you all enough to consider you my reward... that and I haven't a penny to my name so it limits my other reward options.

Thank You God...

2005-06-18T00:19:00.000-07:00

...for the Computer King!

I have my course work back.

I am out of breath from dancing about like a mad fool. For the time being it is all I have back, but I am not complaining.

I have the bestest friends in the whoooooole wide world, two of who took their Friday night to come help me out... not to mention many other nights this week. I will be forever in their debt.

I am currently trying to figure out how to get the puter to recognize my speakers... or any type of sound at all, as well as the webcam. I am sure the Computer King figured I could do at least this much on my own. I am an embarrassment to tech guys everywhere.

I want to thank all of you who sent good thoughts my way. Your prayers and mojo were much appreciated.

I am pretty happy that the amount I had to pay for the retrieval stuff was close to the same amount that I just happened to get as a government rebate in the mail. How often does that happen eh? The best part was that before I opened the mailbox I jokingly mentioned to God that I wouldn't at all mind getting a cheque in the mail. I love His sense of humour.

I understand that posting about my computer problems is high on the boring scale so I will try to make up for it with my next blog.

Smiles all,

B.

I Don't Get It

2005-06-14T21:54:00.000-07:00

You would think that a tsunami warning would take my mind off my computer problems.

Will You Pray For This Idiot?

2005-06-12T20:13:00.000-07:00

Member how I was an idiot and didn't back up my discs onto my hard drive? Well, I learnt that lesson well. This time I made sure EVERYTHING for my three summer classes was on my hard drive, but unfortunately got lazy with the discs.

Currently I crashed my puter (I am using a friend's laptop for the moment) so much so that Windows XP is non-existent. It appears that something hurt the application wall whatever that is... if that is what it was... I can't member what he called it.

Anyway, I say all this to say that if he can't fix it, I will have lost everything- and I finished two and a half of the course requirements- which need to be sent to profs...

I even finished one of those two 42 page papers.

I know in the light of world problems that this is minor, but right now it is turning my world upside down. If anyone happens to pray I would love it if you could send God a request to help Butterscotch out... you know, so she will not have to give up what blogging time she has to redo her classes.

Thanks.

And thanks God!

Currently waiting for a miracle.

B.

Bad BAD cat!

2005-06-09T19:13:00.000-07:00

I am sure most people love to have baby bunnies come hurtling out of the air at them, but I am just not one of those people.

It appears that Meatball gets a kick out of taking his prey to his home atop the second floor balcony... just so he can watch it attempt to commit a jumping suicide rather than let him torture them to death.

Thankfully the girl downstairs was also there to witness this kamikaze moment, and she was the one to pick the poor, yet amazingly still alive, baby bunny up. He fit in the palm of her hand. That is when we saw it- the hole in his side.

Meatball would have had to held its head and its ass with his paws in order to take that bite. It did not hit any major organs but it looked ever so painful. Tears welled up in my eyes.

I can understand his need to hunt, even kill and eat, but I have no idea why he feels the need to torture! I HATE IT! GAH!

Bad BAD cat.

Sigh.

Baby Bunnie is currently residing in the downstairs residence. I am glad she took him in; my heart just wasn't up to it.

The reason this was such bad timing was the conversation I had just finished moments before.

Member the friend I have who lost her little girl? Well, now we (as in her friends) are finding out that because of the shock she also miscarried the other baby that was on the way. I am just sick for her and her husband.

I know I like to grumble about my everyday irritants, but that is simply a form of fun venting- not anything that really puts me in a pit of despair. I can simply not imagine what it would be like to suffer that kind of loss.

The more horror I am confronted with, the more I find myself desperate to make the most of what good is out there.

Hello sunset.

B.

In Case You Were Wondering...

2005-06-08T22:00:00.000-07:00

... I have deleted all 'addictions' who have not been around in ages. It is simply too heartbreaking to check day after day only to be disappointed in the lack of blogging.

That being said... if any of you ever return, feel free to let me know and I will happily make you a habit again.

B.

Ha Ha

2005-06-08T21:36:00.000-07:00

Ha Ha
Originally uploaded by _butterscotch_.

Reminds me of my brother...

2005-06-08T21:35:00.001-07:00

Reminds me of my brother...
Originally uploaded by _butterscotch_.

Stating the Obvious

2005-06-08T21:35:00.000-07:00

Stating the Obvious
Originally uploaded by _butterscotch_.

I Understand

2005-06-08T21:34:00.000-07:00

I Understand
Originally uploaded by _butterscotch_.

On Strike And A Story

2005-06-06T21:35:00.000-07:00

I refuse to do anymore work on this stupid class, at least for a week. If I don't remove myself from it I may end up writing something that will get me kicked out of school.

IHATEITIHATEITIHATEIT! GAH!

In other news, I received a rather interesting phone call this afternoon. I knew it was important since they called my cell during daytime minutes.

My friend; let's call her Gwen, began.

"Can you talk?"

I swallow my cheapness and respond, "Sure, what's up? Is something wrong?"

"I am pretty sure Luke and I are over for good."

"Why, what happened this time?" They were often breaking up.

"Well, when he and Samantha went into a store to get ice-cream cones, I waited with the dog in the car." Sam is her daughter.

"And?"

"I was reading a magazine, minding my own business, when the dog decided to move into the driver's seat. He must have hit something, cause moments later I realized the car was moving." She stopped and sighed.

"Well, what happened?" I had all kinds of interesting visions.

"I jumped."

"What?"

"I jumped- out of the car." She repeated, sounding defeated.

"Why?"

"Well, we were headed to the edge of a small cliff, and I didn't know what else to do."

"Did the dog make it out?" I of course asked this before I asked if she was okay. But to be fair to myself, I was talking to her so I was able to assume she made it out unscathed... right?

"Yeah, he followed me."

"Phew, good. And you, are you okay?" I am not completely heartless.

"Yeah... but Luke isn't doing so well."

"Why? How big was the cliff?"

"Well, it wasn't the cliff that was the problem... it was the ocean at the end of it."

"Oh no!"

"Oh yes."

"Thank God your daughter wasn't in the car." It was starting to hit me just how serious this was.

"That is what I said."

"How did Luke take it?" I was trying to imagine her telling him what happened. I can see it now... 'Honey, I am sooo sorry, but your car drove itself off a cliff and into the ocean.'

"Not too well. He can't understand why I didn't pull the emergency break. He is really upset cause he just paid the car off two weeks ago, and gave it a complete overhaul. New rotors and everything."

Do you have anyone in your life who bad stuff just happens to- all the time? Well, these two fit that bill in mine. I mean, it is constant chaos, so much so that they actually think this is the way life is supposed to be.

So far I have done well to be properly horrified, though now that I know they are okay, the humour of the situation is beginning to hit me.

Then Gwen tells me how she takes the dog and her daughter and gets a lift home with her aunt. Luke has to wait to make the police report. Poor fellow, I can just imagine him standing there all alone, watching the sunset, and staring forlornly at the antenna... which was all that was left showing at this point.

So the police officer arrives and they have a short discussion:

"Can you tell me what happened?" the officer enquires.

Luke fills him in. "Well, my girlfriend was in the car when the dog must have pushed it out of gear, resulting in this", he points to the antenna.

The policeman, horror struck, begins to take off his shoes. "AND SHE IS STILL IN THE CAR?"

Poor Luke. I guess it was a bit of an insult, but I have to tell you... when Gwen shared that part of the story... I almost died laughing. I mean, I couldn't help it. The visual was just too much.

Anyway, to end the story, insurance will cover the cost of what they feel the car is worth, which really won't be of much help... unfortunately. To make it that much worse, he had all his tools for work, his friends cell phone, a computer, and all his ball and hockey gear in the trunk. Ouch.

I had to call Kissboy to share. I am one of Gwen's best friends, and Luke is one of his. Small world eh? Thankfully, he was also able to appreciate the humour behind the horror.

What else happened today? Hmm. That was pretty much it. I guess that was enough.

B.

Cough COUGH coughcoughcough

2005-06-05T19:40:00.000-07:00

Note to self: Laughing for two hours straight does not heal a sore throat.

However, it certainly gives one a reason to appreciate the agony. At one point I really thought I may die from my neverending shrieks, and wondered for a moment how my friends would explain that to my family.

I have only been to one comedy club before last night, but I plan to get my ass to a lot more in the future. I was highly entertained.

There were five comedians, each who had his own special way of working my abs. The one who I was touched by the most was a fellow who probably comes up to my chest. I was touched not so much because of his show, but cause he had one of the most beautiful faces I have ever seen. Rarely do I call a man beautiful, for that word seems best used in the female world, but for some reason it fits when I think of him. What? No, he did not appear to be gay. Sheesh.

Anyway, I can't explain it, but he touched me. I got the feeling that I would enjoy late night conversations with him. What? No! I said conversations and that is what I meant. What kind of girl do you think I am? Hmph. Is this going to be one of those blogs where I am continuously interrupted, cause if so, I am ending it now.

Well?

...

Good.

As I was saying, the night was a blast.

Before the comedy I went to a barbecue to celebrate the birthday of the man who was the star of the night. It was a nice affair, made most entertaining by watching his 34 year old body chase down a pinata with a child's baseball bat. Made even more entertaining by his accidentally breaking said bat.

After the comedy a number of us (there were around 22 at the club) decided to check out the Casino. My ten dollars grew to about sixty-five so I was a happy, albeit sniffling sore-throated, girl when we left.

The cough started shortly after I arrived home... somewhere in the three a.m. area.

Oh yeah, speaking of home. On my way I witnessed a shiny new black truck perched half way atop, one wheel over, the divider in the highway. The divider being one of those high ones to stop, well, such things as this truck, from going into the oncoming traffic. I couldn't see much through all the cop cars, but I have to wonder how it managed to climb the divider like it did as the front end seemed not damaged at all.

Excuse me while I hunt down my Vitamin C...

Sorry I took so long, I got distracted by my book. Yes, the book exchange did take place- before I even said hello to people. I felt like we were making a drug deal with all the secrecy of hidden bags. What fun.

As it is I am still distracted so I am off.

Till next time...

CoughcoughCoughCOUGHchoke... GASP... coughcoughCOUGH

Sniff Sniff Sniff Sigh Sniff Breathe Sniff

2005-06-02T01:11:00.000-07:00

If you picture a continuously sneezing woman, with a kleenix stuffed up her right nostril, madly typing away, you may have some idea of what Butterscotch currently looks like.

I want my Mom.

It occurs to me that I have done a great deal of whining this weak. *sneeze... sneeze*

Chances are go *sneeze* od that this will continue for so *sneeze* me time.

*SNEEZE*

...

*Sneeze*

One moment...

*SNEEZE*

One more moment...

*surgical removal of now destroyed kleenix followed by implant of fresh soft kleenix*

Where was I?

Does it really matter?

To add to my day, I had the pleasure of chasing Meatball throughout the house. For such a fat cat he can really motor. As much as my body was repulsed by the thought of running- mostly due to the fear of vomiting or having its head explode- it was more repulsed by the thought of his transferring his worm infested feces into the litter box. The last thing we need is the indoor cats having lovely white squiggly things dropping from their asses all over the place.

Anyway, chase him I did. As we were headed downstairs I lost my hold on him twice; I couldn't compete with his weight, but I did catch him at the last moment. Thankfully. Though it was another workout, I carried him as far from my body as I could, back up the stairs and out the door. That put me in bed for a couple of hours.

Did I mention that my throat hurts?

*sniff sniff sniff, really big sniff, adjustment of the failing kleenix*

Oh, I remember- I want my Mom!

On a more positive note- I am going to a birthday barbeque followed by the comedy club on Sat.. I am going to assume that I will feel better by that point.

Ironically the thing I am looking forward to the most, about the whole night, is that a friend of mine and I are going to trade series of books. Yay! New reading material. Now all I have to do is find the time...

*SNEEZE*

My female housemate woke up in the same state, though she seems to have escaped the bouts of sneezing.

It is one in the morning. I should go back to bed but everytime I go to sleep I have odd dreams. An example? Well, earlier I dreamt I was on a bus heading to Nova Scotia. Somehow that bus ended up deep in the woods somewhere in the United States, and everyone on it knew why we were there except me. I got the feeling I wasn't supposed to know, but whatever the reason was, it didn't bode well.

Stuff like *sneeze* that.

I really should close these watery eyes though.

Until my next whine....

B.

PS Whatever happened to the old fella that criticized me way back when for being a complainer? He would love this blog.

Phew!

2005-05-31T23:19:00.000-07:00

PJ is alive!

You thought I was gonna say I finished my papers didn't you?

Not a chance- sadly.

I don't know how people who have lives are ever going to finish them.

Urgle Peckin!

2005-05-31T09:49:00.000-07:00

It amazes me that this prof is still alive.

If anyone wonders why I am not blogging lately it is cause I am currently busy writing two 42 page papers.

No, you did not read that wrong.

Unfortunately.

*grumble grumble*

Various Babble

2005-05-25T00:25:00.000-07:00

I am beginning to worry about PJ so if anyone notices him commenting on your blogs, let me know. He is no longer blogging, which is worrisome in itself, but now he is no longer responding to email. What? No! It is most certainly NOT because I am annoying him. Hmph.

Boy, feel the love.

Speaking of love, I have been tagged by Aberrant Templar and am now forced to name ten things I love. Because I do not want to go the obvious family, friends, diet Pepsi, LOST route, I will try to think of more obscure things that I care about, that you may not yet know about Butterscotch.

I LOVE:

When the right someone breathes in my ear. Not blows, breathes. Blowing is irritating and makes me want to smack him upside the head.

The first clean page of a brand new journal.

When my nails are the perfect length for trailing them down the right someone's back. Squirm power!

Wild windy thunderstorms.

A stranger's unexpected smile.

Playing Scrabble. The real sit down board game kind.

Vanilla ice-cream.

Being in love... though I am currently not experiencing this one.

Buying the perfect gift for someone I care about.

Having a deck free of rabbit and mouse parts, and the cat that makes this impossible.

Oh, yes, Meatball. No doubt his diet of cute furry creatures has caused his newest attractive attribute- an ass full of worms. Lovely white rice shaped creatures they are. I happened to notice this in the midst of my patting him. Shiver. A day later I noticed that my male housemate had him in his arms. Once I was able to push the horror out of my mouth and into words I filled him in on the new development. Poor Meatball. Not really the way any cat wants to learn how to fly.

I guess the boys reaction was actually worth the worm presence.

All the same, I am happy he is an outdoor only cat.

My summer courses have forced me to raid the beer store.

Oh, I do have romance updates. I don't have to be in love to have boy news do I?

Kissboy and I have chatted lots but haven't actually hung out in ages. This works for me cause when we do speak in person again I am going to discuss the whole kissing thing. It can't happen again. I like him, but he isn't the one. And since I have this thing about only kissing one boy at a time, I have to free myself up to kiss whatever boy comes along who is perhaps the right one.

Erm, I am not sure that came out the right way but hopefully you know what I mean.

Barboy, the crush from home who was finally single for the first time in years the same month I moved out here- he moved to Alberta for the summer. So, he is a mere days drive away now. While I found his email interesting, for some reason I am not as excited as I thought I would be. In fact, I am not even sure I care.

I am an oddity.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I have added a new name to my Addictions. Welcome Brian! Hopefully his posts will portray his sense of humour. He is perhaps the funniest person I know. He does have one downside though. I will warn you now, he is a Montreal Canadians fan. I know. Horrible. We can't all be perfect though.

Oh, speaking of hockey, has anyone heard what is gonna happen next year?

And what about Ken Jennings? Did he win today? I missed it. Gah!

Okay, I must go. The faster I go to sleep, the faster tomorrow comes, and LOST!

Woo hoo!

Smiles all.

B.

I Am Such A Sap

2005-05-21T12:00:00.000-07:00

This was forwarded to me. Raise your hand if you tear up.

A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.

"Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies."

"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat of the back off his neck,"These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."

The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. "I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"

"Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. "Here, Dolly!" he called.

Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up....

"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt.

The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would. "

With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe. Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands."

With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup. Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.

"How much?" asked the little boy.

"No charge," answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love."

Almost Three A.M.

2005-05-19T02:20:00.000-07:00

LOST was soooo good tonight! I cried a bunch of times. The good type of crying.

I cried yesterday too. The bad kind. Had to say goodbye to my car. The junkyard welcomed her with open arms, and though I know she is in the midst of hundreds of others to keep her company, I still feel guilty. Does she think I deserted her? Worse yet, does she know I did? Worse again, does she know I replaced her? It is unfair to my new/old Geo as I am torn between wanting to love her, and feeling terrible about being so fickle.

My summer classes have me swamped. At least I am learning stuff that I will actually use someday. That is a nice change.

I got some sweet snail mail this month. Actual packages. I kinda feel like I just had Christmas.

I just read over what I wrote so far and am now having a difficult time staying awake. I will try to do better next time...

Good Freaking Morning

2005-05-09T13:31:00.000-07:00

Half asleep I made my way to the car. Finally settled behind the wheel I happened to notice through my slitted eyes that Meatball was happily munching the roomies newly planted flowers. How his fat body got over the little white gate I am unsure, but I figured I should probably move his ass out of there.

Still groggy I lean over to pick him up. He looked it me all cat proud-

OHSWEETJESUSFORTHEDEARLOVEOFGOD!

That was my rather loud horrified attempt at a prayer for the half eaten bunny rabbit.

I was not a happy camper, but finally, I was awake.

I guess the plus side was that he wasn't eating the flowers.

Once I finished shivering violently I headed back up the stairs to yell for the male roomie. He was kind enough to deal with the situation while I got in my car and drove far away.

When I did make it back home I had to step over a very VERY distended tummied contented cat in order to get into the house.

Stupid rabbit.

For Those Who Give A Damn...

2005-05-07T19:57:00.000-07:00

...I bought a car.

A 1992 red 4 door, 4 cyl, Geo Metro. Chev made it so I am happy. I spent more than I wanted, but not by much... and since the guy who I rent from sold it, he is letting me make payments. Once I have it paid for I will go about putting it on the road. For now, I am content knowing that I have it. Yay for me!

Oh, does anyone know how much it costs to fix an speedometer?

I want to thank you all for listening to me whine this past while. I will stop now... well, about looking for a car anyway.

What? Why yes... mine was an S shape. Did I not mention that?

Roomies fought most of the night last night. I don't even think they knew why they were fighting by the end of it.

I want to go dancing.

I love "Corner Gas". This surprises me cause the only other Canadian made show I remember liking is the old Degrassi.

Goodbye Third Watch.

Goodbye Tru Calling.

Sigh.

Hello Grey's Anatomy.

Hello Revelations.

Woo hoo.

Now that I have school work to do I should be blogging more. It makes for a wonderful form of procrastination.

I have three birthdays to buy for. Anyone know of really cheap gifts that will come off as being thoughtful?

I am too antsy to sit here any longer.

Smiles,

B.

Fess Up

2005-05-06T00:11:00.000-07:00

How many looked to see if it was an S shape?

Odds and Ends

2005-05-03T22:20:00.000-07:00

We had a time of it with Meatball the other day. He caught a mouse and was playing with it on the deck. It tried to escape through a hole in the screen, into the house. Which it did. This resulted in the male roomie trying to get it back outdoors without Meatball re-catching it. Lot of good that did. As soon as he got the mouse out it ran full tilt off the deck. I don't know if the fall killed it (though I am sure it had to have- what with the cement directly below) but whether it was just stunned or not, Meatball had his meal after all. It was quite traumatic.

A few hours later I happened to see a baby bunny joyfully hopping across the field. Waddling, er I mean stalking after it was an obese white cat. I am not sure you can imagine how funny it looked. Funny or not I drew the line at watching a bunny be murdered before my eyes so I took off after Meatball. He can move a lot faster than I thought possible. Ah well, at least I saved the baby rabbit... (Please do not comment that I only saved it till I was no longer watching. I prefer to live in my dream world.)

Did anyone watch Oprah? I never knew that a sign of a healthy body was having stool that forms the letter S. I wonder how many millions of people were checking out that fun fact on their next number 2 trip to the bathroom?

I was sad to see the old couple go off of Amazing Race.

My books arrived today. Holy freaking money. I bought three books, one of which isn't even a real book, and two of which are used, and it was still three hundred dollars. That is more than half of what I expect to pay for a car.

I bought Vanilla milk today. It is my new great find. I love the stuff. It takes like those fake milkshakes you can buy in the little boxes. Mm mmmmm. I haven't tried the Strawberry yet.

Going to the mailbox is so exciting now that I have begun the whole snail mail thing. Even when nothing is there, it simply adds to the suspense.

Okay, I am procrastinating. I must get back to my reading.

Smiles all,

B.

Blimpety Boo

2005-05-01T01:36:00.000-07:00

I am up way past my bed-time but I drank so much diet-Pepsi that my eyes are currently in that super stretched not blinking position.

To catch you up.

The party Wednesday night was nice but uneventful.

Thursday was my last exam and the end of my five courses.

Friday my new courses showed up. I thought I would have a break. Guess not.

*Blink*

Oh, that's a good sign. Perhaps sleep is closer than I think.

It seems the blog world, or most of those in my blog world, have taken a posting break. I can not complain... much... since I too have been more than slack.

(music note) TAKE THOSE OLD RECORDS OFF THE SHELF (music note)

Blimpity blimp blimp.

Gonna love you forever. (I just sang that under my breath- for no apparent reason.)

Got my gas line fixed on my car. Buddy who fixed it felt like poo taking my hundred dollars, since my "car is not worth that much as a whole". He also noted that my back breaks are completely gone, the bottom really is gonna fall out at any moment, and it won't stop stalling... well, not until it stalls for good. On the bright side, I won't be blown to bits.

I went to see another guy about a car. I just couldn't do it. If I was an 80 year old man, perhaps...

I wanna make it make it, bake it fine... (More singing under my breath. It would be louder cept for the fact that people would hear me. What? Well, yes, I guess you are people... but you don't count. Why? Well, because you are blog people of course. What? Oh good grief. That wasn't an insult you morons, it was a compliment. WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'HOW SO'? Gah! It means that you actually get to see what goes on inside my head, whereas those outside of the blog world only get to see a fraction of that mystery.)

and so they don't put you in a fancy white suit...

I HEARD THAT PEANUT GALLERY!

Moving on-

I ate a MacDonalds cheeseburger today for the first time in forever. I don't think I will have another one anytime soon. Ever since the food poisoning ordeal... they just don't taste the same, which is a shame, since it wasn't MacDonalds that poisoned me.

Brrrriiing! Every time my phone rings it scares the bejeezes outta me. It is fun to watch it run around though.

Oh, I had a very strange moment tonight. Member boy I talked about from my past, who added me to his msn only to delete me again? The one who is a walking contradiction? I haven't checked his website in about three weeks. I took a peek tonight, cause I am addicted to how he writes, and to my complete and utter shock, he had a sentence in there just for me. Yes, it was positive. I did not reply as it was a statement rather than a question, but it was nice in a very disturbing way. I am happy I am currently in my "I don't want to date anyone" stage or it may have made my heart flip a bit.

*blink blink blink blink*

Woo hoo. Eyes have shrunk to normal size.

I probably shouldn't have drank those two pop, and those two huge glasses of water. Three times... my guess at how many potty trips I will have to make tonight. Reasons why I hate making potty trips:

1. I have to leave the comfort of my bed.
2. I have to find my robe as walking about naked is unacceptable. Apparently she does not want her boyfriend to see me without clothes on.
3. I have to travel in the pitch dark cause they leave their door open and it shines right in on them.
4. I have to blindly find my way back, close my door, turn my light on to make sure the cats haven't weazled their way in (which results in some serious heart failure when I forget), then finally get back to bed.
5. I have to toss and turn and waste precious sleep time trying to get back to the land of dreams.

Reasons for making potty trips however are:

1. I do not enjoy sleeping in my own urine and/or feces. Um, I mean, I am sure I would not enjoy it. Yes... of course that is what I meant.

That really is the only reason that matters.

Boopedy do-op. (Singing in my head, and bopping to the tune.)

My brother sent me some books in the mail. I can not wait to get them, and Brooke's snail mail, now that she has me all curious. If anyone has a book they want me to read, by all means, send away!

I am reading "Close Encounters of the Third Kind". It is dreadfully short but I do love the movie so I figured it couldn't hurt.

*blink.....blink.....blink.....nod*

Okay, that's it.

Time to call it a night, or early morning.

Till next time...

Summer Summer Summer

2005-04-27T12:31:00.000-07:00

Thanks guys! I appreciate all the kind words. It is amazing how 'strangers' can make things so much better.

I have put all the negative items into a box in my brain and am only taking them out when I have to. The rest of the time I am reveling in the sun.

I have my last Wednesday night class tonight, which is actually a free wine/ Chinese food party at the professor's house. Tomorrow is my last Thursday night class which is an exam. I liked the first prof's idea better.

Ah well, once that is complete I should be ready to begin my summer courses. Fun fun.

I must be off. Hopefully this party will deliver something of blog worth so that I can refrain from any more posts like this one. Hey, I admit it, I am boring.

Smiles all,

B.

For December Sand

2005-04-26T18:21:00.000-07:00

The scream pierced the heart of Ocean causing ripples of shock to grow as they made their way to Shore. Never had this body of water experienced such a display of grief and loss. Whatever anger it had once held for the daughter on the rock, had been obliterated when the emotion hit. Waves built from the ripples and began the journey to the shore, to the child.

The scream penetrated Wind, and was carried far and wide, allowing all of nature to be bombarded with her anguish. It whispered the truth among the trees, planted her pain into every flower, and even managed to touch the sand itself. Where once was cold indifference, was nature’s empathy. Rounding the end of the beach, Wind made its way back to the girl.

The scream rocked Stone, and opened its eyes to the pain she felt. Letting go of the cold, the rock changed its composition, and once again, embraced the woman atop it.

The scream went on. Wave after wave of grief poured from her open mouth, each wave striking Nature more than the wave before.

Ocean rushed and hit the shore in its own pounding waves. Each one a song. Songs that were filled with salty healing, songs that were sung to the child.

The trees rustled, hushed, then sang their own song. It started out softly, but then began to build. Flowers, greens, and every other living foliage accompanied the trees, adding their own sweet caring melody. Humming Sand entered the symphony, which added to the building crescendo of sound. All were for the girl.

Wind picked up each song and combined them to become one beautiful overwhelmingly powerful force- a force that hit woman head on. The shock of it pushed her off of Stone and found her sprawled on Sand. It ended the scream.

Some part of the girls mind realized that the fall had not hurt her but this miracle was overshadowed with another larger thought. "What was that sound? That wonderful sound?"

Pushing herself unsteadily to her feet the girl stood; stood and listened. Where once were waves of grief, were now waves of peace and joy and love. Each one more powerful than the one before. Hardly able to believe, even more afraid to hope, the girl asked a silent question.

Her answer came through loud and clear.

"Yes, you are forgiven."

The joy of it almost killed her, and Nature had to take a step back for fear that her heart would stop. The girl lifted her arms to Sky and laughed. A laugh that danced its way to each and every one who had moments ago tasted her grief. A laugh that was contagious, causing the song to change its tune. A tune she was unable to resist. Her feet felt the need to run and dance and jump and skip. The need to move in a crazy joyful frenzy. Giving in to this need the girl felt the wind dance with her. Together they twirled over the now soft sand, and did not stop until her breath left her.

Laying on her back upon Sand the girl spoke with her heart. "Thank you."

She felt so lucky, so blessed to be home, to be forgiven, that she felt it unfair to ask about the one thing that kept her from being completely happy. Nature heard her heart despite this unwillingness to be selfish and had Wind caress her forehead.

"We know what he means to you, our child. We wish we could guide you as we have in the past. This can not be. All we can give you is this."

Before her eyes a single line of footprints appeared in the sand. She would know those footprints anywhere. Tears of relief began to flow, until she realized that they offered nothing of him. No essence, no heartbeat, so cold. Despite her fear at what this meant she began to follow the steps before her. She had to know.

Going farther than she ever had before, she came to a section of Nature that she did not recognize. It was here that the steps ran out. It was here that she fell to her knees, lowered her head, and in her deja vu, asked "Is he gone forever?"

"I do not know child." Nature had walked with her. "That is up to him."

With this the girl abruptly lifted her head. "He is alive then?"

"Yes."

"Did he go where I went when I left?" The girl shuddered at the thought.

"No, he has not turned his back on us."

The girl flinched as if she had been struck, but knew that the words held no reproach.

"But why did he leave here?"

"That is a question only he can answer."

So many unanswered questions. So many regrets. "I miss him." The girl felt wind try to comfort her.

Sighing the girl prepared herself to say goodbye but found she couldn’t say the words. No matter how much easier if would be for her to simply let go, and give up the search, she simply could not do it. However, she also knew that she could not hang on and still find the peace that was waiting for her. She was at a loss.

It was then that she saw it, planted in the last footprint. It leaned back as if beckoning. A small wooden cross, on a leather rope. A man’s necklace. Plain, yet more intricate than anything else she had ever seen. Without thinking about what she was doing she tied it about her neck. And that is when she felt him.

The power of it was overwhelming. She enclosed the cross in a fist and remembered to breathe. His heart beat, sure and steady.

To follow was not possible. When before it called to her, now it simply drummed. Yet it was enough.

The girl stood and recalled all that had happened to her in such a short time. She tucked the cross under her shirt, where it would always remain, close to her heart. Where she would leave it until it stopped pulsing, and she was forced to say goodbye, or until he came to claim it. In the time being she would not wait for him, but instead live her life to the fullest, embracing Nature, and all that It offered.

Content in the moment, she hoped that he too could feel her beating heart. That he would think of her as she would think of him, but that he would also live and love and find what it was that he was searching for.

What A Shitty Day

2005-04-25T21:18:00.000-07:00

One of my friends lost her little girl. Death may be a part of life, but when one only gets a few years to actually experience life, it really really SUCKS.

One of my other friends lost his best friend to a heart attack. He left behind a wife and two small children. He was my age. My friend already lost his dad and his sister... now his best friend? Gah!

My car officially died and it bled out gas all over the place. For fearing of blowing myself to bits I have put it to rest. In comparison this death is trivial and almost not worth mentioning except for the fact that it was the straw that broke the camels back. It is always the smaller things that cause one to have a meltdown.

I had said meltdown and couldn't for the life of me stop crying. And it wasn't even real crying. Just tears that would not stop. No gasping, or keening, or wailing, or gnashing of teeth... just non-stop tears.

You guys probably see more emotion than people in my 'real world' as you get a glance at what is going on inside of me. For me to cry in public, twice in one month, is unheard of. Not counting sad movies or television shows. But real life stuff- I keep that all inside till I am alone. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.

Well, maybe I do. All of the previously mentioned... and... tomorrow will be the day that December Sand and I had planned to finally meet in person. One small part of me still has some crazy hope that he will show up, but the rest of me knows that this is one promise he won't be able to keep.

God, I miss him.

All of the shitty day aside, I am still able to embrace the fact that I am alive and well, and in a country that allows me sweet freedom. I have so much, and I never want to take it for granted.

You guys are on that "I have so much" list.

Thanks for listening.

B.

My Pet Peeve In More Detail

2005-04-22T18:28:00.000-07:00

I find it hilarious that the young couple I rent from closed their door in an attempt to hide the catastrophe they call a bedroom. Hilarious because they are totally oblivious to the fact that there is a bra sticking half-way out of said door.

When I made my comment earlier about disliking it when people are inconsiderate I had been fuming at what had resulted in my Wednesday night class. It was the last night for students to present their research topics and each group had a half hour in which to do this. Forty minutes at the most.

It took fifteen minutes before the first group could get the VCR to work. If they had of come early like all the other groups had done, this would not have cut into class time. Ah well, no biggie. Or so we thought. The group had three people, one woman and two men. The topic was close to the woman's heart as it involved a Learning Disability that her son had, but this in no way made it okay for her to talk, and then show a video of more talking, for one solid hour. The entire class was fidgeting and unsure why someone wasn't stopping her. I mean, she already went twice the allotted time and the rest of her group hadn't even spoken yet- not to mention the fact that two other groups still needed to present- AND we had to find time to do evaluations.

I finally got fed up and left. I played tetris on my cell phone in the washroom till I calmed down enough to go back to class. While I was gone someone must have given her the evil eye because she turned off the video before it was finished. Good thing, or I am pretty sure someone would have hit it, or perhaps her, with any object that was close at hand.

The prof actually had to give the class a break at this point so great was the tension in the room.

The other two finally spoke, and exactly one hour and forty-five minutes later, they finished. What the hell? If I were a member of that group or the professor I would never have allowed that.

With two of our three hours gone, the second group presented in a wonderful thirty-five minute time limit, thankfully.

However, the third group, who by the time they switched places with those before them, and got set up, had a mere fifteen minutes to work with. The girl who spoke first ended up in frustrated tears as she was cut off and her partner was not even able to speak. The university rents rooms in buildings outside of campus in order to allow for these classes so we can not stay later than our allotted time. Therefore, this group, who worked hard to prepare for this big percentage of their mark, was denied that right, thanks to the first group.

What irked me most about the whole thing was that the first group appeared to be unaware of what they had done, or if they were aware, they did not care. An apology was warranted I thought.

It was just so inconsiderate!

We meet at the prof's house next week, and the fellow who did not get to speak will share there over a beer and chinese food, but somehow - that just isn't the same.

For those reading this I am sure it sounds trivial, and perhaps like a bit of a joke, but for those of us suffering through it, it was extremely trying. It didn't help at all that the room was an oven and most people there had just finished a full day of teaching.

And that was my pet peeve.

I am of course far beyond that now, and am heady with summer cheer. It snowed in Nova Scotia this week, and I am in shorts and a tank top. Woo hoo! Course it kinda sucks that I have had to cut off some of my pants to make said shorts but ah well, such is life. I hope whoever stole my suitcase of summer clothes is enjoying them.

I looked at a car today, and if it is still there on Monday I will take it to the shop to see if it is worth buying. It is a 80 Pontiac Tempest. I can get it for five hundred. It only needs to last me two years...

Okay, I have yammered on long enough, and this post is even boring me, so I must go.

It seems my will to write is rather dormant these days. It comes in waves.

Much Sunshine,

B.

Pet Peeve

2005-04-20T21:19:00.000-07:00

I hate it when people are inconsiderate!

That is all.

Snigglepoff Snuzzledorf

2005-04-19T14:23:00.000-07:00

Ah but it is a fine sunny day.

Though my car is still at death's door, with no new baby in sight, I know it will all work out. It always does.

Exactly two days before I knew about the previously mentioned I decided to put my almost full Visa to use and joined a gym. When I was at home, which is about eight months ago now, I was a regular. Here, not so much- until eight days ago. I had no idea how much I missed it.

I feel wonderful, though horribly out of shape. I haven't missed a day since I started and it is a 24 hour one so when the nights get the best of me I can battle back with a workout. Woo hoo! I love it.

After an hour of cardio indoors I had to go for a walk outdoors. I can't explain the euphoria I felt walking by the babbling brook, how I was drunk off the sweet summer smell of trees, flowers and earth, or how my heart hurt with the striking contrast of dark green trees against the deep blue sky, but I can tell you that you should do your best to find your own piece of nature to embrace.

Something changed inside of me this week. While the gym may be a part of it, I find myself suddenly embracing being single. I am unsure what has been developing between Kissboy and myself, but whatever it is, I know I don't want it. I don't currently want any man. (Or woman, just to be clear.) While I would be lost without my male friends, for whatever reason, I currently have no desire to go beyond that level. In the past I have found ways to be content in my singleness, but have at the same time wished for something more. This is not that. This is me NOT wanting anything more. Very very unusual. Very.

I must be off. Thanks to everyone who sympathized about the car thing- I appreciate it!

Smiles all,

B.

Tru Calling

2005-04-15T08:49:00.000-07:00

I am a fan.

I really like Jason Priestly in this role.

I must go car hunting now.

Sigh

2005-04-14T14:20:00.000-07:00

B went to get her inspection done. It was rather startling to have the guy call a short twenty minutes after she dropped the car off. Making her way back to service station she hoped that was a good sign.

It was not.

Sigh.

The elderly gentleman pointed out quite frankly that B was lucky to still be alive since the bottom of her car was about to drop at any time, so badly was the rot. He then added in the same matter-of-fact tone that she would have to buy herself a new car, since it would cost approximately the same amount to have her current car fixed. He ended his dialogue with, "There is no way I, or any other shop, will be able to pass this car."

B knew that a fail, that could not be fixed, meant her car being taken off the road, so she took the news as well as could be expected. She promptly burst into tears.

Sigh.

Poor old fellow. He dropped the distant tone and began to speak of all kinds of inane things to try to help her get ahold of herself. One young man ran in to ask a question but never did complete the sentence when he got a look at B. That one look was enough to invoke more running, in the opposite direction.

Sigh.

B tried to dam the tears but they insisted on spilling out over her fingers. She apologized as best she could since it wasn't his fault her life was falling down about her.

Finally, when able to breathe without shuddering, she asked him what she should do. Looking around to make sure no one was listening he told her to pretend she had never been there. He explained that if he put anything in writing he would have to take her car off the road, and he thought she may need it at least till she found something else to drive.

B was more than thankful and got her but out of there.

Sitting in her parked car a short minute later she called one of her guy friends who had been helping her with the car stuff all along. Once again, tears poured. He calmed her down, and was kind enough not to point out how girly and foolish she was being. Then he explained that he could help her find a car, at a price she could afford. A'course, the fact that she couldn't afford anything (hence her breakdown) put a damper on things for a bit. However, after money crunching B decided she may be able to pull together #500 to buy a beater, if such a beater could be found.

So, the search is on. B can not travel beyond third gear so the search is limited, but she has a network of people also looking so she is currently waiting for a miracle.

Once over the initial shock, and the horror of ultimately having to say goodbye to her car, she began to get excited about having something new to drive... or at least new to her.

She is also hopeful that the miracle will arrive before her insurance papers do.

B must travel in third gear to her class now.

She hopes your day is going well.

Gotta Run

2005-04-14T09:38:00.000-07:00

Though LOST was a repeat, I am already sucked into Revelations! Anyone else see it last night?

I must go deal with my Chev now.

B.